Joke thread

Sam101 said:
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Good old one that, what about this, just as old?

George and Silvia on their 60th wedding anniversary, sat at the breakfast table:

George

“Silvia, should we try naked breakfast like we used to do when we first married, try and recreate the magic?”

Sylvia “I’ll give it a go”

10 minutes later, Sylvia,

“Ho George it’s working for me, my nipples have got all tingly and sensitive”

George, “for fucks sake Sylvia, one’s in your coffee and the other’s in your porridge”.
 
Sam101 said:
I went to watch a hypnotist last night.



He got 6 big strapping guys up on stage and hypnotised them, then he accidentally dropped his microphone on his foot.



"Fuck me" he shouted.



What I saw next will haunt me forever.
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Sent the wife out to get a guard dog, the pet shop owner told her “what you need is a trained kookaburra”.
He produced the bird, pointed to a wooden chair and said “kookaburra! Chair!” Upon which it swooped down and tore the chair into matchwood.
My wife was sceptical, so the owner pointed to a sofa and said “kookaburra! Sofa!” And again the bird tore it to pieces.
She was convinced and bought it. Came home and told me “I didn’t get a dog, I got something better!” “What? Better than a big dog?” “Yes” she said, and released the bird from its box “it’s a kookaburra”
I was shocked and disappointed so I shouted “Kookaburra! My arse!”…
 
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