Joke thread

[mcfc_ms]

Jeremy Beadle had a very small penis. On the other hand it was massive

 

[MATCITY]

Jeremy Beadle had a very small penis. On the other hand it was massive

Always liked that joke

 

[speccybob]

I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Savile.

When my Brother was 8, he fixed it for him to milk a cow blindfolded

 

[dronefromsector7g]

My mate's shagging twins at the moment. I asked him how he can tell them apart. "Easy, Jane's got big tits, and John's got a huge cock".

 

[mrcunny]

I bought my wife a pair of crotchless knickers for Halloween,
Not for sexual purposes though.
Just to give her a better grip on the broomstick

 

[Cheese Butty]

Always remember, the urge to sing "The lion sleeps tonight" is only a whim away.
A whim away, a whim away ,a whim away.

 

[ChrisNUFC]

Wife came home from work to find husband sitting watching the football. "I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football you think about nothing else". She continued "....I'm also seeing someone else he's younger than you, handsome, tender, understanding, treats me like a queen, does anything i ask, has a 9 inch cock and makes love to me till I cant take anymore". The husband replied "Really? What team does he support?"

 

[west didsblue]

"When having sex do you ever look at your wife's face?"

"Yes, last time she looked really angry"

"Why do you think that was?"

"She was watching through the window."

 

[Cellarite]

Wife came home from work to find husband sitting watching the football. "I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football you think about nothing else". She continued "....I'm also seeing someone else he's younger than you, handsome, tender, understanding, treats me like a queen, does anything i ask, has a 9 inch cock and makes love to me till I cant take anymore". The husband replied "Really? What team does he support?"

Just told my missus this one and she started acting really strange. She was saying things like -

"Who have you been talking to?"
"I haven't been out on my own for."
"Are you watching the Scotland v Northern Ireland victory shield match tonight?"
and weirdest of all "Do you fancy an early beer?"

 

[ChrisNUFC]

Wife came home from work to find husband sitting watching the football. "I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football you think about nothing else". She continued "....I'm also seeing someone else he's younger than you, handsome, tender, understanding, treats me like a queen, does anything i ask, has a 9 inch cock and makes love to me till I cant take anymore". The husband replied "Really? What team does he support?"

Just told my missus this one and she started acting really strange. She was saying things like -

"Who have you been talking to?"
"I haven't been out on my own for."
"Are you watching the Scotland v Northern Ireland victory shield match tonight?"
and weirdest of all "Do you fancy an early beer?"

Hmmm I notice Toma is offline too, coincidence?