Joke thread

A  group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of
golf.One got transferred to another city.It wasn't the same without
him.
A new woman joined their Club.She overheard the guys talking about
their golf round.She said,"You know,I used to play on my golf team in
college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next
week?"
The three guys looked at each other.Not one of them wanted to say
'yes', but she had them on the spot.
Finally,one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early
-- at 6:30 a.m.He figured the early tee-time would discourage her.
The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to
15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay.She smiled and
said,"Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
She showed up at 6:30 sharp,and,playing right-handed, beat all three of
them with an eye-opening two-under-par round.She was fun and a pleasant
person, and the guys were impressed.Back at the clubhouse,they
congratulated her and invited her back the next week.She smiled, and
said,"I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."
The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp.Only this time,she
played left-handed.The three guys were incredulous as she still beat
them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.They
were totally amazed.
They couldn't figure her out.She was again very pleasant and didn't
seem to be purposely showing them up.They invited her back again, but
each man harboured a burning desire to beat her.
 
The third week,the guys had their game faces on.But this time,she was
15 minutes late,which made the guys irritable.This week the lady again
played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.The men mused
that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part.
However,she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong
play,they couldn't hold a grudge.Back in them clubhouse, all three guys
were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure
out.
They had a couple of beers,and finally,one of the men asked her point
blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or
left-handed?"
The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy,"she said."When my Dad
taught me to play golf,I learned I was ambidextrous.I like to switch
back and forth.When I got married after college,I discovered my husband
always sleeps in the nude.From then on,I developed a silly habit.Right
before I left in the morning for golf practice,I would pull the covers
off him.
 
If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed;
if it was pointed to the left,I golfed left-handed."
The guys thought this was hysterical.
 
Astonished at this bizarre information,one of the guys shot back,"But
what if it's pointing straight up?"
 
She said,"Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
oakiecokie said:
My missus said our relationship wasn`t going anywhere.I said quit the fuck moaning while I`m having a wank.
I'm just admiring the economy of this compared to the one before it.
 
hackneyslim said:
oakiecokie said:
My missus said our relationship wasn`t going anywhere.I said quit the fuck moaning while I`m having a wank.
I'm just admiring the economy of this compared to the one before it.

I didn`t read that many fucking words in my holiday book.Thought his wording came from War & Peace,it was that fooking long winded.
 
oakiecokie said:
hackneyslim said:
oakiecokie said:
My missus said our relationship wasn`t going anywhere.I said quit the fuck moaning while I`m having a wank.
I'm just admiring the economy of this compared to the one before it.

I didn`t read that many fucking words in my holiday book.Thought his wording came from War & Peace,it was that fooking long winded.

Plus it wasn't funny.
 
I was fingering my wife the other night when she said, "Put another finger in."

"But I've only got ten," I replied.


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SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS...

John Terry has been named as the new Serbia under 21 coach.


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Two more victims have come forward in the BBC abuse scandal. They claim they were regularly fisted and fingered by elderly men on a weekly basis and then locked away after this abuse until the next week. Both sooty and sweep claim they where so traumatized it left them speechless!!!
 
wayne71 said:
Not a joke but I thought this video was pretty funny

<a class="postlink" href="http://youtu.be/zd7c5tQCs1I" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://youtu.be/zd7c5tQCs1I</a>

made me laugh
 

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