Joke thread

[TangerineSteve17]

I lent a tenner off one of Snow White's mates... I gave him a Hi Ho You.

A Time-saver: Stop, ban him, don't post here.

 

[nalari]

Watching the highlights of Greece-Japan again. Great defending when they went down to ten men.

Thin white line of gyros, I'd say.

 

[BillyBonds]

Good weather ends tomorrow. There's a shower of shit coming in from Brazil.

 

[Pelly Greeny]

I lent a tenner off one of Snow White's mates... I gave him a Hi Ho You.

A Time-saver: Stop, ban him, don't post here.

Borrowed.

 

[jimharri]

An oldie, but whatever;

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker ( who's blonde ) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker ( the blonde ) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!' She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark'.

 

[Esteban de la Sexface]

what is more annoying than stepping in gum?

A clown following you around throwing forks at you.

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Don't you hate it at the airport when everyone has got better looking luggage than you. It's a worse case scenario.

My mate told me he spent the best of part yesterday unblocking his toilet. I'd hate to think what else he did if that was the best part.

I was struggling for space, so I thought I'll knock 2 rooms into 1. Trouble is every time I wanna go to bed, I fall back down to the fucking lounge.

My car had a flat tyre so I got my foot pump out. The tyre's still flat, but I now have the biggest feet in England.

 

[TangerineSteve17]

For sale: Packet of polos, 1 previous owner, mint condition.

I was struggling in my bakery exam, until I decided to use my loaf.

My gran is such a sweetheart, but she'll be dead soon. Her blood sugar is off the charts.

I've turned my bungalow into a workshop for making boats. So successful was the idea, sails are going through the roof.

I squirted my watergun on the back of a duck. He seemed quite annoyed.

 

[The Flash]

For sale: Packet of polos, 1 previous owner, mint condition.

I was struggling in my bakery exam, until I decided to use my loaf.

My gran is such a sweetheart, but she'll be dead soon. Her blood sugar is off the charts.

I've turned my bungalow into a workshop for making boats. So successful was the idea, sails are going through the roof.

I squirted my watergun on the back of a duck. He seemed quite annoyed.

Seriously, this your 999th post.

Please make your 1,000th one to remember.

Please.

 

[Zuriblue]

I believe Argentina are glad to have avoided Uruguay in the World Cup knockout stages.

They heard Suarez was a Messi eater...

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Did you hear about the gangsta with piles who also had Oedipus complex? He was a bad ass mother fucker yo.

The easiest battle I was ever involved in was when the opposing warriors had no weapons, they just tried to spit us to death. Stupid salivation army.

I don't make jokes about a wooden step in a field that doesn't belong to me. That's not my stile.

And that's a thousand posts and a tear is shed.

 

[BlueBearBoots]

Did you hear about the gangsta with piles who also had Oedipus complex? He was a bad ass mother fucker yo.

The easiest battle I was ever involved in was when the opposing warriors had no weapons, they just tried to spit us to death. Stupid salivation army.

I don't make jokes about a wooden step in a field that doesn't belong to me. That's not my stile.

And that's a thousand posts and a tear is shed.

Haha a 1000 laughs :)

 

[Lavinda Past]

Did you hear about the gangsta with piles who also had Oedipus complex? He was a bad ass mother fucker yo.

The easiest battle I was ever involved in was when the opposing warriors had no weapons, they just tried to spit us to death. Stupid salivation army.

I don't make jokes about a wooden step in a field that doesn't belong to me. That's not my stile.

And that's a thousand posts and a tear is shed.

Haha a 1000 laughs :)

+1

I like Steve's humour

 

[Kakhaber Tskhadadze K.O.T.A.]

Did you hear about the gangsta with piles who also had Oedipus complex? He was a bad ass mother fucker yo.

got to admit that made me laugh.

 

[The Flash]

Did you hear about the gangsta with piles who also had Oedipus complex? He was a bad ass mother fucker yo.

The easiest battle I was ever involved in was when the opposing warriors had no weapons, they just tried to spit us to death. Stupid salivation army.

I don't make jokes about a wooden step in a field that doesn't belong to me. That's not my stile.

And that's a thousand posts and a tear is shed.

Excellent work.

You made it count!

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Cheers people, Nice to know some are getting a giggle.

 

[bucks]

Old one
Played an absolutely shite round of golf the other day, only hit 2 good balls all day and that was when I stood on the rake.

You can blame Jimmy Tarbuck for that one.

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Was in a pub in Ireland when the bloke sat next to me said "What do you think of County Down?" I said "I prefer Eggyheads."

 

[BlueBearBoots]

Was in a pub in Ireland when the bloke sat next to me said "What do you think of County Down?" I said "I prefer Eggyheads."

Not one of your best :)

 

[TangerineSteve17]

yeah I don't like it much either.

Saw a chameleon in a zoo the other day...I think there was something wrong with it.

Who is the coolest dude in a hospital? ...The ultrasound guy.

What's 2 feet long and slippery?...A pair of slippers.