Mad Eyed Screamer said:What is the difference between Fanny Craddock and a cross country runner?
One goes for a pant in the country and the other is a c**t in the pantry.
TangerineSteve17 said:Rumours of a new 15 inch butter-knife appear to be rife...They're extemely widespread.
As a child growing up with my mum, my favourite toy was a little plastic man that I called "dad". It was my father figure.
I've just completed my latest acting role. I have to admit, I was out of my comfort zone trying to play a man with epilepsy. I was like a fish out of water.
I think my house alarm's motion detector has fallen for me. Every time I walk through the door it just lights up.
I saw a scary girl ghost last night with huge tits. I was scared stiff.
chabal said:TangerineSteve17 said:Rumours of a new 15 inch butter-knife appear to be rife...They're extemely widespread.
As a child growing up with my mum, my favourite toy was a little plastic man that I called "dad". It was my father figure.
I've just completed my latest acting role. I have to admit, I was out of my comfort zone trying to play a man with epilepsy. I was like a fish out of water.
I think my house alarm's motion detector has fallen for me. Every time I walk through the door it just lights up.
I saw a scary girl ghost last night with huge tits. I was scared stiff.
Tell me...
Do your jokes improve as the day goes on?
If not It might be a long day.
nimrod said:chabal said:TangerineSteve17 said:Rumours of a new 15 inch butter-knife appear to be rife...They're extemely widespread.
As a child growing up with my mum, my favourite toy was a little plastic man that I called "dad". It was my father figure.
I've just completed my latest acting role. I have to admit, I was out of my comfort zone trying to play a man with epilepsy. I was like a fish out of water.
I think my house alarm's motion detector has fallen for me. Every time I walk through the door it just lights up.
I saw a scary girl ghost last night with huge tits. I was scared stiff.
Tell me...
Do your jokes improve as the day goes on?
If not It might be a long day.
ever thought of going on stage Steve ?
sweeping it
chabal said:nimrod said:chabal said:Tell me...
Do your jokes improve as the day goes on?
If not It might be a long day.
ever thought of going on stage Steve ?
sweeping it
nimrod meet steve, steve meet nimrod.
You two have a lot in common.
nimrod said:chabal said:nimrod said:ever thought of going on stage Steve ?
sweeping it
nimrod meet steve, steve meet nimrod.
You two have a lot in common.
[bigimg]https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/s526x395/10689901_10152776663910909_1029640513123941549_n.jpg?oh=1426008534b8846ff0dc3187523deba9&oe=54D0C49F&__gda__=1422524553_c1f811b6b72500a110f50718c8e5ed8a[/bigimg]
Slaphead said:What did the slug say to the snail?
'Big Issue, sir?'
nimrod said:chabal said:nimrod said:ever thought of going on stage Steve ?
sweeping it
nimrod meet steve, steve meet nimrod.
You two have a lot in common.
[bigimg]https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/s526x395/10689901_10152776663910909_1029640513123941549_n.jpg?oh=1426008534b8846ff0dc3187523deba9&oe=54D0C49F&__gda__=1422524553_c1f811b6b72500a110f50718c8e5ed8a[/bigimg]
Ding Dong said:Two midgets from a circus are having a baby,
The ringmaster ask`s them what they are hoping for ?
They said we don`t realy care...........
As long as it fits in the cannon.
foetus said:A little boy is exicted because the circus has come to town. They had a parade with a band and animals and clowns! Oh, the clowns were fabulous! He was so excited that he got a ticket right away.
The show began and there were stunts and people on the high wire and trained animals. Then out came a tiny car and out from it poured a endless stream of clowns who did the funniest things you ever saw. It was absolutely hilarious. Then all of a sudden the clowns stopped and started looking around, all puzzled. They searched high and low and still they kept going. Finally one clown stopped and addressed the audience, "we seem to have lost our horse and we need help finding him. Would the person in row 32 seat H please stand up?" The boy notes that he is in that seat so he stands up! The clown says, "Ah! We've found the horse's ass, now we need to find the rest of the horse!"
The audience roars with laughter and the boy turned beet red. He tore from the tent in humiliation, mostly because he didn't know what to say! He decided that would never happen to him again. He pulled out his most recent copy of Boy's Life and found an ad for a book for snappy comebacks, so be bought it. It arrived and he proceeded to memorize it in its entirety. He had he local librarian borrow similar books that he also memorized.
As he grew up, he practiced his snappy comebacks, but was he ready? No! He went to a college that allowed you construct your own major, so he majored in Snappy Comebacks. He studied Moliere, Shakespeare, Henny Youngman, Phyllis Diller, all the greats. He earned his major. Was he ready? No. He went on to get a PhD in snappy comebacks. Was he ready? No. He started publishing papers presenting a full taxonomy of snappy comebacks, classifying them by type, cultural reference, social import and final impact. Was he ready? Yes.
He returned to his home town and waiting for the circus. When it arrived, they had a parade with a band and animals and clowns! Oh, the clowns were fabulous! He got a ticket right away for the same seat.
The show began and there were stunts and people on the high wire and trained animals. Then out came a tiny car and out from it poured a endless stream of clowns who did the funniest things you ever saw. It was absolutely hilarious. Then all of a sudden the clowns stopped and started looking around, all puzzled. They searched high and low and still they kept going. Finally one clown stopped and addressed the audience, "we seem to have lost our horse and we need help finding him. Would the person in row 32 seat H please stand up?" The boy notes that he is in that seat so he stands up! The clown says, "Ah! We've found the horse's ass, now we need to find the rest of the horse!" And he says in a loud, steady voice, "f*ck you, clown!"