Joke thread

Two crisps walking down the road, another crisp pulls up next to them and asks them if they wanted a lift.

They replied, no we're walkers.
 
Benarbia_is_god said:
Two crisps walking down the road, another crisp pulls up next to them and asks them if they wanted a lift.

They replied, no we're walkers.


No No please tell me you got that out of a christmas cracker and have saved it.

(If I am being honest I laughed but I know I shouldn't have)
 
Have you heard about the Englishman with an inferiority complex?


He thinks he's the same as everybody else!!
 
corky1970 said:
anymore than 2sheiks said:
A bloke takes a bird back to his place, throws her down on the bed and just as he's about to go down on her, he pulls away saying " fucking hell love, that stinks down there". She says " I know, I'm sorry about that but it's not my fault. I've got arthritis". He says " What?, in your minge?" She says "No. It's in my shoulder, I can't wipe me arse".


I know somebody' who has arthritis and its no laughing matter , if you ...... Etc ( fill in the rest yourself I can't be arsed I'm too offended)

I play guitar in a band and sometimes its so painful 'cus I also have arthritus, BUT that made I laugh.
 
My ex is spreading false rumours about me being schizophrenic. Well, four can play that game!!
 
My wife said " if you switch off the light I will take it up the arse ." She let out a blood curdling scream.maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first ?
 
On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. Minutes later he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process.

This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him.

Finally he went up to the man and asked, "Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you're back again. How do you do it?"

"Well," said the other man, "the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It's a lot of fun. You should try it."

The guy, who was also quite drunk, thought to himself, "Hey, why not?"

So he goes out to the balcony, jumps off, and seconds later he has splatted straight onto the ground, stone dead.

The bartender looks over to the other guy and says, "Superman, you can be a complete asshole when you are drunk"
 
Blue Mist said:
Benarbia_is_god said:
Two crisps walking down the road, another crisp pulls up next to them and asks them if they wanted a lift.

They replied, no we're walkers.


No No please tell me you got that out of a christmas cracker and have saved it.

(If I am being honest I laughed but I know I shouldn't have)

My mates dad told me it when I was younger and it's the only joke I remember. It's terrible I know but gets a laugh!
 

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