Joke thread

[foetus]

 

[Squelch]

A woman is on trial for murdering her husband with his guitar collection. The Judge asks, "First offender?"

She answers, "No, first the Gibson, then I finished him with the Fender"

 

[Squelch]

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.

'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little Paper bag.

'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows,
Come back and see me in a couple of days.'

The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.
'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag.

'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor.

'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag.

'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor.

'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Well have you been sharing needles with other Intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor.

'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a Jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor.

'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual Relationship?'

'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!'

'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor

'Your mother must have been a carrier.'

 

[mad4city]

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.

'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little Paper bag.

'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows,
Come back and see me in a couple of days.'

The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.
'What's wrong with me?' asked the little paper bag.

'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor.

'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag.

'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor.

'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Well have you been sharing needles with other Intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor.

'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a Jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor.

'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!'

'Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual Relationship?'

'NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!'

'Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor

'Your mother must have been a carrier.'

Made me laugh.

 

[chris63]

 

[foetus]

She was standing in the kitchen,
preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

 

[lazza]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a swimming race across the Channel. The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank

 

[foetus]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a swimming race across the Channel. The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank

I think it's time this gif resurfaced

 

[crazyg]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a swimming race across the Channel. The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank

I think it's time this gif resurfaced

Merde!!!!

 

[Alex the Blue]

I've just called at my girl friends house, she opened the door in her flimsy nightie. I thought that's a funny place to keep a door.