Josko Gvardiol

[leo_city]

Just heard from a mate who gets a bit of info at times. So I’m posting it in good faith here. He says the two clubs have had talks regarding the player, went on to say he knows fuck all about it.

Take it with a pinch of salt!

 

[Tugay One Cup]

I am not on the wind up or trolling this time around (or very rarely I actually do that). I geniunely think he is good but just not that good and he does lack the necessary composure to become one of the best even at his age. Friendly or not you don't expect a potential £80m signing to be making that kind of mistake.

I hate to do this but I couldn't resist. Here's your scout report on Erling Haaland:

• I don't get the hype and the only way this signing is going to happen is if Pep leaves.
• I just don't rate that type of striker and I have watched for more than 5 minutes.
• He isn't that quick for starters.His technique isn't that special either.
• We just don't play that style of football that will play to his strengths and his agent will still be a major stumbling block.
• Fuck it. Lets sign Edinson Cavani. Much better player than Haaland.
• Haaland isn't anything like Lewandowski. Teams will work out how to defend against him and he will have barren spells. Mbappe is having similar problems right now.
• Haaland has achieved very little to be considered to be anything like as the van Persie signing.
• I don't think he is high on the list of Aguero's replacements.
• He would struggle to adapt to Pep's tactics so he isn't a guarantee. In a couple years time Delap could be knocking on the door.
• Haaland will need time too and although he is good but not that good. Delap will save us money without the Raiola headache.
• I'm not that impressed with Haaland. Would struggle with Pep as manager.
• We had already equally talented players in the academy already.
• Delap will match Haaland's achievements.
• Coaches like Moyes, Hodgson, Allardyce would still find a way of keeping Haaland very quiet.
• There are plenty flaws in Haaland's game would get exposed in our set up.
• Haaland hasn't come across many teams that have completely parked the bus for starters. There are a few teams in the Premier League who loves to do that.

I'm not trying to take the piss or anything but I think it suggests that you've not exactly got a keen eye for talent.

Relax, mate, Gvardiol is a top, top quality player. If he signs then you'll understand that within a handful of games for us.

 

[Rammy Blue]

I hate to do this but I couldn't resist. Here's your scout report on Erling Haaland:

• I don't get the hype and the only way this signing is going to happen is if Pep leaves.
• I just don't rate that type of striker and I have watched for more than 5 minutes.
• He isn't that quick for starters.His technique isn't that special either.
• We just don't play that style of football that will play to his strengths and his agent will still be a major stumbling block.
• Fuck it. Lets sign Edinson Cavani. Much better player than Haaland.
• Haaland isn't anything like Lewandowski. Teams will work out how to defend against him and he will have barren spells. Mbappe is having similar problems right now.
• Haaland has achieved very little to be considered to be anything like as the van Persie signing.
• I don't think he is high on the list of Aguero's replacements.
• He would struggle to adapt to Pep's tactics so he isn't a guarantee. In a couple years time Delap could be knocking on the door.
• Haaland will need time too and although he is good but not that good. Delap will save us money without the Raiola headache.
• I'm not that impressed with Haaland. Would struggle with Pep as manager.
• We had already equally talented players in the academy already.
• Delap will match Haaland's achievements.
• Coaches like Moyes, Hodgson, Allardyce would still find a way of keeping Haaland very quiet.
• There are plenty flaws in Haaland's game would get exposed in our set up.
• Haaland hasn't come across many teams that have completely parked the bus for starters. There are a few teams in the Premier League who loves to do that.

I'm not trying to take the piss or anything but I think it suggests that you've not exactly got a keen eye for talent.

Relax, mate, Gvardiol is a top, top quality player. If he signs then you'll understand that within a handful of games for us.

That’s hilarious. Jesus wept.

 

[Cobwebcat]

I hate to do this but I couldn't resist. Here's your scout report on Erling Haaland:

• I don't get the hype and the only way this signing is going to happen is if Pep leaves.
• I just don't rate that type of striker and I have watched for more than 5 minutes.
• He isn't that quick for starters.His technique isn't that special either.
• We just don't play that style of football that will play to his strengths and his agent will still be a major stumbling block.
• Fuck it. Lets sign Edinson Cavani. Much better player than Haaland.
• Haaland isn't anything like Lewandowski. Teams will work out how to defend against him and he will have barren spells. Mbappe is having similar problems right now.
• Haaland has achieved very little to be considered to be anything like as the van Persie signing.
• I don't think he is high on the list of Aguero's replacements.
• He would struggle to adapt to Pep's tactics so he isn't a guarantee. In a couple years time Delap could be knocking on the door.
• Haaland will need time too and although he is good but not that good. Delap will save us money without the Raiola headache.
• I'm not that impressed with Haaland. Would struggle with Pep as manager.
• We had already equally talented players in the academy already.
• Delap will match Haaland's achievements.
• Coaches like Moyes, Hodgson, Allardyce would still find a way of keeping Haaland very quiet.
• There are plenty flaws in Haaland's game would get exposed in our set up.
• Haaland hasn't come across many teams that have completely parked the bus for starters. There are a few teams in the Premier League who loves to do that.

I'm not trying to take the piss or anything but I think it suggests that you've not exactly got a keen eye for talent.

Relax, mate, Gvardiol is a top, top quality player. If he signs then you'll understand that within a handful of games for us.

Wow. If I had written that any future opinion I had about a potential transfer would have to start “I know I was wrong about Erling but…..”

 

[Sky Blue]

I hate to do this but I couldn't resist. Here's your scout report on Erling Haaland:

• I don't get the hype and the only way this signing is going to happen is if Pep leaves.
• I just don't rate that type of striker and I have watched for more than 5 minutes.
• He isn't that quick for starters.His technique isn't that special either.
• We just don't play that style of football that will play to his strengths and his agent will still be a major stumbling block.
• Fuck it. Lets sign Edinson Cavani. Much better player than Haaland.
• Haaland isn't anything like Lewandowski. Teams will work out how to defend against him and he will have barren spells. Mbappe is having similar problems right now.
• Haaland has achieved very little to be considered to be anything like as the van Persie signing.
• I don't think he is high on the list of Aguero's replacements.
• He would struggle to adapt to Pep's tactics so he isn't a guarantee. In a couple years time Delap could be knocking on the door.
• Haaland will need time too and although he is good but not that good. Delap will save us money without the Raiola headache.
• I'm not that impressed with Haaland. Would struggle with Pep as manager.
• We had already equally talented players in the academy already.
• Delap will match Haaland's achievements.
• Coaches like Moyes, Hodgson, Allardyce would still find a way of keeping Haaland very quiet.
• There are plenty flaws in Haaland's game would get exposed in our set up.
• Haaland hasn't come across many teams that have completely parked the bus for starters. There are a few teams in the Premier League who loves to do that.

I'm not trying to take the piss or anything but I think it suggests that you've not exactly got a keen eye for talent.

Relax, mate, Gvardiol is a top, top quality player. If he signs then you'll understand that within a handful of games for us.

•Delap will match Haaland's achievements.

Belter of all time.

 

[leo_city]

I hate to do this but I couldn't resist. Here's your scout report on Erling Haaland:

• I don't get the hype and the only way this signing is going to happen is if Pep leaves.
• I just don't rate that type of striker and I have watched for more than 5 minutes.
• He isn't that quick for starters.His technique isn't that special either.
• We just don't play that style of football that will play to his strengths and his agent will still be a major stumbling block.
• Fuck it. Lets sign Edinson Cavani. Much better player than Haaland.
• Haaland isn't anything like Lewandowski. Teams will work out how to defend against him and he will have barren spells. Mbappe is having similar problems right now.
• Haaland has achieved very little to be considered to be anything like as the van Persie signing.
• I don't think he is high on the list of Aguero's replacements.
• He would struggle to adapt to Pep's tactics so he isn't a guarantee. In a couple years time Delap could be knocking on the door.
• Haaland will need time too and although he is good but not that good. Delap will save us money without the Raiola headache.
• I'm not that impressed with Haaland. Would struggle with Pep as manager.
• We had already equally talented players in the academy already.
• Delap will match Haaland's achievements.
• Coaches like Moyes, Hodgson, Allardyce would still find a way of keeping Haaland very quiet.
• There are plenty flaws in Haaland's game would get exposed in our set up.
• Haaland hasn't come across many teams that have completely parked the bus for starters. There are a few teams in the Premier League who loves to do that.

I'm not trying to take the piss or anything but I think it suggests that you've not exactly got a keen eye for talent.

Relax, mate, Gvardiol is a top, top quality player. If he signs then you'll understand that within a handful of games for us.

Lord have mercy

 

[oakiecokie]

Lord have mercy

That hole he keeps digging, I fear he`s now using a fucking JCB Digger.

 

[Blue Smarties]

I hate to do this but I couldn't resist. Here's your scout report on Erling Haaland:

• I don't get the hype and the only way this signing is going to happen is if Pep leaves.
• I just don't rate that type of striker and I have watched for more than 5 minutes.
• He isn't that quick for starters.His technique isn't that special either.
• We just don't play that style of football that will play to his strengths and his agent will still be a major stumbling block.
• Fuck it. Lets sign Edinson Cavani. Much better player than Haaland.
• Haaland isn't anything like Lewandowski. Teams will work out how to defend against him and he will have barren spells. Mbappe is having similar problems right now.
• Haaland has achieved very little to be considered to be anything like as the van Persie signing.
• I don't think he is high on the list of Aguero's replacements.
• He would struggle to adapt to Pep's tactics so he isn't a guarantee. In a couple years time Delap could be knocking on the door.
• Haaland will need time too and although he is good but not that good. Delap will save us money without the Raiola headache.
• I'm not that impressed with Haaland. Would struggle with Pep as manager.
• We had already equally talented players in the academy already.
• Delap will match Haaland's achievements.
• Coaches like Moyes, Hodgson, Allardyce would still find a way of keeping Haaland very quiet.
• There are plenty flaws in Haaland's game would get exposed in our set up.
• Haaland hasn't come across many teams that have completely parked the bus for starters. There are a few teams in the Premier League who loves to do that.

I'm not trying to take the piss or anything but I think it suggests that you've not exactly got a keen eye for talent.

Relax, mate, Gvardiol is a top, top quality player. If he signs then you'll understand that within a handful of games for us.

Some read that, gets a bit difficult after the fifth...

 

[Any1aBlue]

Just heard from a mate who gets a bit of info at times. So I’m posting it in good faith here. He says the two clubs have had talks regarding the player, went on to say he knows fuck all about it.

Take it with a pinch of salt!

Useful?

 

[Blue and true]

I hate to do this but I couldn't resist. Here's your scout report on Erling Haaland:

• I don't get the hype and the only way this signing is going to happen is if Pep leaves.
• I just don't rate that type of striker and I have watched for more than 5 minutes.
• He isn't that quick for starters.His technique isn't that special either.
• We just don't play that style of football that will play to his strengths and his agent will still be a major stumbling block.
• Fuck it. Lets sign Edinson Cavani. Much better player than Haaland.
• Haaland isn't anything like Lewandowski. Teams will work out how to defend against him and he will have barren spells. Mbappe is having similar problems right now.
• Haaland has achieved very little to be considered to be anything like as the van Persie signing.
• I don't think he is high on the list of Aguero's replacements.
• He would struggle to adapt to Pep's tactics so he isn't a guarantee. In a couple years time Delap could be knocking on the door.
• Haaland will need time too and although he is good but not that good. Delap will save us money without the Raiola headache.
• I'm not that impressed with Haaland. Would struggle with Pep as manager.
• We had already equally talented players in the academy already.
• Delap will match Haaland's achievements.
• Coaches like Moyes, Hodgson, Allardyce would still find a way of keeping Haaland very quiet.
• There are plenty flaws in Haaland's game would get exposed in our set up.
• Haaland hasn't come across many teams that have completely parked the bus for starters. There are a few teams in the Premier League who loves to do that.

I'm not trying to take the piss or anything but I think it suggests that you've not exactly got a keen eye for talent.

Relax, mate, Gvardiol is a top, top quality player. If he signs then you'll understand that within a handful of games for us.

That is brutal. That piece of internet needs to be strapped to a rocket and blasted into space, never to be heard of again.