Meredith?
Trautman?
And if you want to have a proper dig at the rags, why not name one after our 1934 FA Cup-winning captain, Matt Busby? I find that most of them don't even know he spent 8 years playing for us, so watching their puzzled looks as their little, insignificant, polluted brains try to scramble the mixed messages they're picking up would add an extra amusing dimension to the day!!