Man Utd Jokes

[daveduke67]

I saved a Man United fan from drowning the other day......Yea as a screensaver on me phone. :)

PMSL.

Shouldn't it be 'I saved a drowning manu fan yesterday - as a screensaver'?



Said to a manu fan 'look at that dead pigeon'
he looked to the sky and said 'where?'


Saw a manu fan with no arms and legs at the bus stop.
I said 'alright , how you getting on?'

Ferguson rang Manchini and asked what he did to help the players with defending skills. Roberto told him he set out cones in diamond shapes and made the players play around them.
Ferguson called him back half an hour later and said, 'any more ideas? I dont like that one - the cones are winning 4-0'

 

[ali benarbia's studs]

alex ferguson has inquired about the deadly fulham duo of demsey and duff to add more premier league experience to their squad!!!











he also asked the cottagers if they accecpt ol` "butter vouchers!" :(

 

[moonblue]

whats the diference between a trampoline and a utd fan? you take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline..........:-)

 

[daveduke67]

The dead body of a manu fan was found hanging from a tree near to the COMS. His legs were broken in a dozen places, five of his ribs were broken, a green and yellow scarf was hanging out of his arse and both his arms were severed at the elbow.
Police are treating it as suicide.



Two manu fans in helicopter. One asked the other 'If this helicopter tips up will we fall out?'
'No' says the other, 'we'll always be friends'

 

[The Kippaxkid]

Q: You are trapped in a cave with a Bengal Tigar, a Rattle Snake and a Man Utd fan. You have a pistol but only have two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the SCUM BAG twice of couse.

Q: What do you call a Rag in a suit.
A: The accused.

Q: What do you call a Rag born in Manchester.
A: A Fookin, Lyin, B'stard

 

[citygal1]

what the diffrence between wayne rooney and a vagina..... nothing
there both twats!

 

[the colour of heaven]

united,s bank statements!

 

[Nevizade]

What happens if you give a United fan viagra?

They get taller.

 

[whynot?]

any newspaper saying that united are in for a player that's not available on a free :)

 

[laserblue]

how many league teams have swear words in their names?

3 - scunthorpe united, arsenal & fucking manchester united.