Most ridiculous doom you got into with the Mrs

Swales lives said:
Me: The Red fucking King, it's been closed for 15 years!
Wife: You do remember then.
Click to expand...

Awesome

A couple more, not quite as mental but for a timely bump

A girl i saw at uni for a few weeks actually started crying because "i didn't care", this came about because after we'd had a bit of sexytime and the cuddles etc etc i rolled over (are you seeing a theme here? ha) to go to sleep.

Her: Where are you?
Me: Erm, here
Her: Come back
Me: *thinks, im 30cm away* What are you on about?
Her: I can't see you
Me: Its dark
Her: I want to see you
Me: Its pitch black
Her: *tears*

Another one, a girl i'd met in 5th ave, saw her for a while, filth bag, used to send me pictures of all sorts, but as ever, came with ridiculous baggage

Fired her off a text one morning on the way to work, can't remember what it was, but it will have been something hilarious no doubt, anyway, about 2 minutes later i received a phonecall

Me: Hello
Her: Im sick of this
Me: Sick of what? Things bad at work?
Her: Sick of you doing this
Me: What have i done?
Her: You did it again
Me: Did what?
Her: You didnt put a kiss on the end of that message
Me: Are you kidding?
Her: You know how much it means to me
Me: Do I?
Her: Yes, you do it on purpose
Me: I genuinely forgot, i didnt realise it was such a big deal
Her: You never do
Me: *speechless*

To put this into perspective, we had been 'going out' for about a month. Crazy, Snakes with tits
 
Having breakfast one morning and the x says 'What are you thinking?' so I answer 'I'm thinking should I have red sauce or brown sauce'.......A second or so later 'You never tell me what your thinking...you think I'm psychic....etc...etc....'
I'm like 'what the fuck, that is what I was thinking, it doesn't get any more complicated than that!'

Silence all day, but to be honest ladies that is not a punishment, that's a pleasure! Like a friend of mine says when he ends up on the couch 'it's like camping!'
 
El Boy Wonder said:
Swales lives said:
Me: The Red fucking King, it's been closed for 15 years!
Wife: You do remember then.
Click to expand...

Awesome

A couple more, not quite as mental but for a timely bump

A girl i saw at uni for a few weeks actually started crying because "i didn't care", this came about because after we'd had a bit of sexytime and the cuddles etc etc i rolled over (are you seeing a theme here? ha) to go to sleep.

Her: Where are you?
Me: Erm, here
Her: Come back
Me: *thinks, im 30cm away* What are you on about?
Her: I can't see you
Me: Its dark
Her: I want to see you
Me: Its pitch black
Her: *tears*

Another one, a girl i'd met in 5th ave, saw her for a while, filth bag, used to send me pictures of all sorts, but as ever, came with ridiculous baggage

Fired her off a text one morning on the way to work, can't remember what it was, but it will have been something hilarious no doubt, anyway, about 2 minutes later i received a phonecall

Me: Hello
Her: Im sick of this
Me: Sick of what? Things bad at work?
Her: Sick of you doing this
Me: What have i done?
Her: You did it again
Me: Did what?
Her: You didnt put a kiss on the end of that message
Me: Are you kidding?
Her: You know how much it means to me
Me: Do I?
Her: Yes, you do it on purpose
Me: I genuinely forgot, i didnt realise it was such a big deal
Her: You never do
Me: *speechless*

To put this into perspective, we had been 'going out' for about a month. Crazy, Snakes with tits
Click to expand...


A workmate of mine does that online dating thing. He went out for a meal with some bird the other week.
He told me they had a nice meal, good chat, got on well, quick kiss, then went their separate ways.

She texted him next morning at work, smething like "hi dave, enjoyed last night, ring me, x"
He showed me the text, said to me I'll phone her at lunch, I'm too busy at the mo'.
30mins later....another text 'forget then you horrible vile man, I thought we got on so well, i hate you."

Scary woman, that was after one date!!!
 
El Boy Wonder said:
Women are mental, the lot of them

Gets to bed time last night, Mrs gets in first and i pop off for a shite and to brush my teeth etc etc.....

Anyway, i come in the room and see she is fast alseep, "bless" i think to myself. So i creep into bed and gently knock the light off, then i hear those 5 words that send fear down my spine

Her: What's the matter with you?
Me: What?
Her: You're in a funny mood
Me: What?
Her: Why didnt you say night night?
Me: You were asleep
Her: I wasnt
Me: You had your eyes closed and were clearly asleep
Her: You still could have said night
Me: *speechless*
Her: *goes in spare room*
Me: *speechless*

5 mins elapses

Me: *wanks about ex*

:o

Genuinely bat shit mental. So despite her being asleep im supposed to wake her up to wish her goodnight, because i could see that going down like the frigging titanic. She's still not talking to me. Crazy
Click to expand...

I've had near enough had the exact same thing happen to me many a time over the last 8 years. The way i got my own back though is save up a nice juicey fart and then let it lose while we are in bed, i then just pull the quilt over her head and trap her in the stench. Fucking quality it is especially when she goes mental and tries battering me, and i just sit the laughing my arse off and she ends up hurting herself whacking me.
 
i know this is a bit off what this topics about but has anyone had the question -

do you love city more than me?

i answered this question with honesty and i havent seen then ex for 10months.
 
nevilletogoater-in said:
i know this is a bit off what this topics about but has anyone had the question -

do you love city more than me?

i answered this question with honesty and i havent seen then ex for 10months.
Click to expand...

Lmao you should of answered "you love" in under 50 milli seconds other wise you would get shit for taking your time to think about it.

EDIT: You can extend the answer time though by looking shocked and going hmmmm, as that normally gives you a couple of seconds thinking time lol.
 
smudgedj said:
Having breakfast one morning and the x says 'What are you thinking?' so I answer 'I'm thinking should I have red sauce or brown sauce'.......A second or so later 'You never tell me what your thinking...you think I'm psychic....etc...etc....' I'm like 'what the fuck, that is what I was thinking, it doesn't get any more complicated than that!' Silence all day, but to be honest ladies that is not a punishment, that's a pleasure! Like a friend of mine says when he ends up on the couch 'it's like camping!'
Click to expand...
Like camping! Superb. A mate of mine has a 'high maintenance' missus who keeps him on a short leash. Sometimes he turns up unexpectedly in the boozer, usually when she is not speaking to him over some non-existent sleight. His code word is 'the telly's broke again' because he's getting a picture but no sound
 
My last bird.....In the middle of the night on holiday in greece in bed



Her - Wake up

Me - zzzzzzz

Her - wake up

Mw - zzzzzzz

Her - punches me in the head

Me - What the fuck.....you dick.....that hurt

Her - Whats that smell....

Me - What sme......that fucking stinks.......what the fuck is that.....

Her - (slightly hysterical) Fucking hell......get up.....get up....get out....you've shit yourself.....its all over the covers.....gey in the shower...fucking hell.....get out....get out......

Me - Balls........


In her defence - I might have been in the wrong........still, no need to get that worked up about it was there??

It was only poo
 
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