There's something I find rather comforting about his disfigured features, because whatever happens in life I can always say that at least I'm not as ugly as Phil Jones. I could walk along the road and a car could pass me by with the driver going through one of those huge puddles of rainwater, and I could be absolutely drenched from head to toe, but it wouldn't upset me because at least I'm not as ugly as Phil Jones. I could walk into a glass door in a restaurant and go arse over head, landing in an undignified heap on the Axminster. Everybody would point at at me and giggle nervously and I'd be the laughing stock of the place, but at least I wouldn't be as ugly as Phil Jones.
You see, even I have something to be grateful for.