Sorry to resurrect this defunct thread, but its been playing on my mind. I've thought about little else over the international break. This thread rightly died a death as the joke wore somewhat thin and in the end Hollands claimed to have fixed the issue with the release of the Mark II Balti pie.
I went into the GMR studio, explained the sorry tale, got taken in by the glamour of the occasion and meeting Paul Lake etc and was conned by the guy from Hollands into accepting that there never was a sultana in the pie in the first place. I say conned, he pushed a box of peppered steak pies my way and we therefore came to an implicit agreement that the sultana issue was off the table.
Since then, the pie thread has been mentioned a number of times on here, I also believe the Sun mentioned the Sultanagate campaign and last week Jason Manford spoke about it on Radio One. So from a selfish, personal point of view I suppose its job done.
However, something was bugging me, playing on my mind and I've finally realised what it is.............
I've still got heartburn from the Mark II Balti pie I ate at the Fulham game three weeks ago!
It doesnt matter what I do or how many Rennie I consume, I've got a bastard behind the rib-cage thats not for shifting. Now don't get me wrong, I'm prone to a touch of indigestion. In fact, after a particularly large weekend I can consume enough Rennie to push their share price up but this particular balti belly bout is different.
I think it's guilt. Yeah, you heard me right guilt. My body is telling me that I have sold my soul and it is demanding I redress the situation. You see, I took up the campaign, wrote the letter to Hollands and received the 'pilot' pies. I did the review, went on the radio and all that shit. Yet - and I'm sorry to say this fellow Bluemooners - I think I may have sold you all short.
The MkII Balti pie is a strange thing and has subsequent strange effects on the human constitution. I would compare it to a dessert wine, seemingly pleasant at first, a little bit different to the norm. But then it starts to get a bit sickly. It's not until you get to the end of it that you realise that unlike the original pie, you really don't want another one and in fact you dont even want the one you just ate.
It also seems to leave an after taste that lasts longer than herpes.
I'm probably being harsh but the point remains it is not a pie deserving of our support. We are a club on the up and up and we need a pie which reflects that. The original Chicken Balti pie came to represent our past and we hoped it would fuel our march towards better times. Now that we stand on the cusp of success and ultimate victory I am concerned that the protracted aftertaste and volcanic indigestion will undermine my enjoyment of our final push to the top.
So what are we to do?
We could just accept it and move on. Perhaps change to peppered steak or meat and potato. But that would be a pyrrhic victory and who wants that?
I have a three point plan:-
1) We should lobby Hollands and demand the Mark III pie that we deserve.
2) We should send them original Balti pies and demand they reverse engineer them.
3) We should insist on having a blue on their tasting panel - a balti guardian looking after the interests of a true blue institution.
We should let Hollands know that we are delighted they are the new pie purveyor of choice but remind them that a second rate, dessert pie will just not do.
Sultanas or no sultanas the Mark II pie is just not good enough. It needs re-thinking from the ground up and when they do so they need to remember the seven P's.
Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Pastry Products
