I fought a running battle lasting nearly an hour with about a dozen wasps at lunchtime. They started appearing through my windows. The first one went like a dream, peepe him flying towards my light as I entered the room. Did an over-arm smash to bat him away, caught him right on the sweet spot of my middle finger, sent him flying straight back the way he came, five metres arse first out the window. Drew the curtains but left the window open, then a couple more found their way through. Sent them out, they turned up in the next room. Knocked one out cold, fell into the garden below, hopefully to be eaten by a cat before he regained consciousness. But no! Minutes later they appeared in the first room. This repeated over and over - I know it was the same ones because one of them had one really fat wierd leg. I stuck my head out the window to check the area, Christ knows where they all came from, but here they were, buzzing eagerly around a 10 metre perimetre outside and above my windows. What? There were open cans of energy drink in the garden - but no, they weren't interested in that. It was my room. And not my rubbish, because the bins went out this morning. Was it my pitcher of lemon tea? I didn't use any sugar at all in making it.
Whatever it was, as far as they where concerned, there was something about the area around my flat. Regardless, the question remains unanswered - where they all came from. There's nowhere around remotely likely to hold a nest. There was no point in asking any more questions. A truly random wasp attack had broken out.
At this point, I reached for whatever documents were lying around and started getting serious. Half an hour later, six verified kills - not one leaving squashed guts on the window or anything. Just lifeless insects, fully intact, the life knocked clean out of them. A corona vaccine handbook wielded with the trademark calm purposefulness, timing and precision of an MS Dhoni. The wave receded. Since then, not one more sighting. Nothing else like this has been reported locally. I gazed out of the window at the concrete 5 metres below my window. Their they lay in the blazing sun. Returned to where it all started, to check the window one last time - on the ledge, one remained, throax twitching on the window sill, the only one to have shown any signs of life at all. I blew him into the small web in the corner of the window frame for the spider to deal with.
That was it. No more sightings. The first of the bastards to invade this year - and hopefully the last - all arrived, and left, in that 60 minutes.
Fuck wasps. Look them dead in the eye, and swipe them with your hand, straight back where they came from. If they come back for more, good. The more of these fuckers you kill, in generations to come, the more evolutionary pressure you create on the species. Kill as many as possible, and you pick the lines that avoid humans like you to survive and breed. Your descendants, presumably living in a GB where heat waves last 9 months of the year, will thank you.
No, that wasn't very interesting at all. But I have wasted a fair bit of your time, and that's the only reason anyone comes on these sites anyway.
You're very welcome.
