Psycho woman... help please!

[nw42]

She's texting you.

You have a long long way to go on the crazy train my friend.


There are two accepted ways of relieving ones self of a crazy woman. The common method is the "out crazy the woman" as many have already pointed out on this thread. However, I prefer the "take full advantage and abuse the fuck out of her" method.

You will find that when a woman becomes this obsessed there is almost nothing she won't do if she feels it will ingratiate herself with you. So it's time to start thumbing through the youporn category list and pick out a starter. Remember you want rid of her so there is no need to hold back. Let your bad self run wild. I guarantee by the time you've made it to after dinner mints "I go golden shower at this stage" she will thinking very hard as to whether you really are the boy for her.

just set yourself a few ambitious targets and the time will fly by. If you get to midnight snacks and she hasn't suffered rectal prolapse you're not trying hard enough!


Enjoy ;-)

Bastard! Just made my spit stella all over the the table. Now everyone in the pub keeps looking at me and I can't stop giggling!

Well you're obviously a loner, perhaps you could take her off his hands, for a small fee.

 

[Blueband Brother]

Is this somehow Mancinis fault?

Nah.. its balotellis fault.....obviously!!

 

[crizack]

i've had my fair share and come on mate, texting you doesnt mean she's a psycho, i think you wanna tell everyone on here that you've got a new bird but dont want to seem like an undersexed, desperate, saddo ;)

 

[paphos-mcfc]

I had one years ago, nothing special, bit of a spunk dump if anything, soon as I said I wanted more time with my mates and couldn't see her anymore, she seemed ok at first, but slowly came the texts, then random drive pasts my house. It got to the point when one night she was stood in the back garden, looking up at my bedroom window staring like a demon possessed. Wish I hadn't let the dog out now to be honest. Oh well, she got the message.

 

[Churchill123]

Just accept that you screwed her and she won't accept rejection. You have no choice now but to settle down with her, buy a house together, have kids, become part of her family and spend the rest of your life wondering how you managed to get yourself into this situation in the first place. No different to majority of all other married blokes on this site. It's life. Shit happens and before you know it there is no way out...

FUCK! - I think you've just predicted the next 5 years of my life... no kids or bought house just yet, but I can see it going that way!! - How do you make it stop TGR? - Would shagging her mum make it stop?

 

[Churchill123]

you're obviously better at shaggin than you are at poker otherwise she wouldn't be mithering ya. You need to trick one of yer mates into slipping her one and then he can deal with the looney

I'm ashamed to say I did exactly this to one of my mates, when I was receiving similar grief off a deranged fruitcake of a similar persuasion to the OP's last squeeze.
It worked, but he got even more mither than I had suffered, and as nobody else by this time would touch Looney Tunes with a shitty stick, he, and I kid you not, got his old feller to give her a sorting.
Poor old twat was dead in twelve months and I still get guilty feelings after many years.
True story.

Please please please can this be true! - I've just laughed out very loud in the office! - The stuff dreams are made of hey! " I kid you not, got his old feller to give her a sorting."

 

[Ancient Citizen]

you're obviously better at shaggin than you are at poker otherwise she wouldn't be mithering ya. You need to trick one of yer mates into slipping her one and then he can deal with the looney

I'm ashamed to say I did exactly this to one of my mates, when I was receiving similar grief off a deranged fruitcake of a similar persuasion to the OP's last squeeze.
It worked, but he got even more mither than I had suffered, and as nobody else by this time would touch Looney Tunes with a shitty stick, he, and I kid you not, got his old feller to give her a sorting.
Poor old twat was dead in twelve months and I still get guilty feelings after many years.
True story.

Please please please can this be true! - I've just laughed out very loud in the office! - The stuff dreams are made of hey! " I kid you not, got his old feller to give her a sorting."

Just returned to this thread of eternal shame and yes, every word is kosher.
Well, the lad in question was a work colleague, more than a good mate, but he was a good bloke and one day when I had received probably the 12th phone call at work from this Play Misty for me wannabe, I told him she shagged like a rabbit on amphetamines and told him to get round there asap, as I was getting, 'A bit bored with her.'
Lies and damned lies, I know, (apart from the shagging bit, that was true, plus she could fellate like a greyhound eating hot porridge), anyway he hot footed it round to hers, did the business, coming back into work with a grin like a Cheshire cat and telling all and sundry he was in love.
Two weeks later he's smoking joints like a hippy who'se been banged up for 5 years and threatening to 'kill the woman.' I learned soon after about him introducing his dad to her and a similar sorry scenario ensued with sucker senior; she moved in with him and though I don't know all the details herein, he was indeed pushing up daisies within a year, and I believe this harpie was the culprit in his demise.

 

[Churchill123]

I'm ashamed to say I did exactly this to one of my mates, when I was receiving similar grief off a deranged fruitcake of a similar persuasion to the OP's last squeeze.
It worked, but he got even more mither than I had suffered, and as nobody else by this time would touch Looney Tunes with a shitty stick, he, and I kid you not, got his old feller to give her a sorting.
Poor old twat was dead in twelve months and I still get guilty feelings after many years.
True story.

Please please please can this be true! - I've just laughed out very loud in the office! - The stuff dreams are made of hey! " I kid you not, got his old feller to give her a sorting."

Just returned to this thread of eternal shame and yes, every word is kosher.
Well, the lad in question was a work colleague, more than a good mate, but he was a good bloke and one day when I had received probably the 12th phone call at work from this Play Misty for me wannabe, I told him she shagged like a rabbit on amphetamines and told him to get round there asap, as I was getting, 'A bit bored with her.'
Lies and damned lies, I know, (apart from the shagging bit, that was true, plus she could fellate like a greyhound eating hot porridge), anyway he hot footed it round to hers, did the business, coming back into work with a grin like a Cheshire cat and telling all and sundry he was in love.
Two weeks later he's smoking joints like a hippy who'se been banged up for 5 years and threatening to 'kill the woman.' I learned soon after about him introducing his dad to her and a similar sorry scenario ensued with sucker senior; she moved in with him and though I don't know all the details herein, he was indeed pushing up daisies within a year, and I believe this harpie was the culprit in his demise.

Jesus... i'm nearly crying im laughing so much! - I've never heard that one but i will definitely be using it at the next available opportunity!!

 

[MCFCinUSA]

here's a novel solution:

 

[The Flash]

This thread needs an update from the OP!!!!


Unless he's dead.


RIP Hat Trick.