I think a lot of what you say about how ineffectual NATO was is totally fair comment, but it wasn’t a wholly unreasonable approach through the lens of the time, albeit a wrong and (with hindsight) a wilfully blind one. The mistake (and it was fundamental) that Putin made is that he presumed our response to his machinations would remain unchanged, irrespective.
The relationship between Western Europe and Russia has been akin to an abusive, domestic one, where the bigger, truculent partner has repeatedly, and cowardly, bullied the other and assumed they would be able to continue to with relative impunity, partly because experience taught them that, plus because of the economic power the believed they held over the other; but one day, against all the weight of previous experience, the abused partner snaps and suddenly gains resolve to resist - and the balance of power shifts.
Putin pushed it too far and I fully believe, irrespective of how it plays out in the States in a couple of years, that there is sufficient resolve in Western Europe to continue resisting. There will simply be no going back to where we found ourselves a decade or so ago, because Putin pushed it too far, we snapped and our perspective changed. Quire simply, he woke us up.
Western Europe has come to realise that it is in an existential fight for its way of life. We simply now have to see this through. There is no fucking choice.