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Summerbuzz
Guest
It's all about their dads. Authoritarian rather than authoritative. Frequently not doing that good a job in real terms, and using their fake masculinity or the threat of force. Poor kids. I feel bad for 'em.
I mean, everyone's dad was flawed. They could always be wrong, on almost anything. There were more succesful, fairer people. And undoubtedly, stronger, although the notion of amazing strength in your father is something that's probably supposed to not be taken literally beyond your fifth year. The problem arises, and is passed on, when he not only can't deal with it, he has to hide what is a fundamental fact about human life and parenting. We're all flawed, can all be beaten. And for each of us, there are many perfectly reasonable and fair perspectives from which we look like utter moral and ethical failures, especially in our relationships, and never more so than when raising children. You offer your child a perspective, and you hope that's good enough. Allowing them to believe it is the only one they could have recieved, is somewhere between inevitable, desirably natural, and utterly, utterly disastrous.
Women are weak. Dear god. 45, have had my arse handed to me repeatedly. Utterly outplayed, out thought, out lived. Out ethic'd, out read, out learned, shown I have lies coming out of my arse, especially where I thought I had wisdom. I've been out acted, out communinated. Outsuffered. Tried to manage them and realise I'd been managed all the way through. Out philosophised. Shown how to respond to threats and problems, like I'm a child. Everything but out boasted. And yet, they really aren't that scary. They are just coming up with a life that works for them. Damn... they really were given some big, scary skills by that biological neurology. You just underestimate them to your and their loss. It's an obvious lie, a big fat whopper. I'll make it easy - we're all scared. And we all find ways to ameliorate that. Joining in with the crowd, collectively making believe you have a special strength that 50% of the rest of the world doesn't - that's how it went for you.
You really have to laugh that this stuff has come back into fashion, but I think there are reasons, the dialogues that pervade our recent history - last twenty years in the west - have been extremely harmful to everyone, and perhaps most of all to young men. I wouldn't guess I would find it easy to accept their natural strength and intelligence, if I'd grown up a decade or two later.
The worst thing for me at 45, is knowing it went wrong. Knowing more lies are believed now than when I was younger. And seeing for myself, that what they said was true - it never stops at one lie. The first will require another to prevent the natural process of the truth naturally being revealed. Another lie, another denial, another obstruction, another collective sulk, another target, and the brief respite of a good chest beating, is all you will ever know. You poor bastards! Never knowing the security the others tasted, that means that - most of the time - admitting the truth can't possibly hurt you as much as another lie.
I mean, everyone's dad was flawed. They could always be wrong, on almost anything. There were more succesful, fairer people. And undoubtedly, stronger, although the notion of amazing strength in your father is something that's probably supposed to not be taken literally beyond your fifth year. The problem arises, and is passed on, when he not only can't deal with it, he has to hide what is a fundamental fact about human life and parenting. We're all flawed, can all be beaten. And for each of us, there are many perfectly reasonable and fair perspectives from which we look like utter moral and ethical failures, especially in our relationships, and never more so than when raising children. You offer your child a perspective, and you hope that's good enough. Allowing them to believe it is the only one they could have recieved, is somewhere between inevitable, desirably natural, and utterly, utterly disastrous.
Women are weak. Dear god. 45, have had my arse handed to me repeatedly. Utterly outplayed, out thought, out lived. Out ethic'd, out read, out learned, shown I have lies coming out of my arse, especially where I thought I had wisdom. I've been out acted, out communinated. Outsuffered. Tried to manage them and realise I'd been managed all the way through. Out philosophised. Shown how to respond to threats and problems, like I'm a child. Everything but out boasted. And yet, they really aren't that scary. They are just coming up with a life that works for them. Damn... they really were given some big, scary skills by that biological neurology. You just underestimate them to your and their loss. It's an obvious lie, a big fat whopper. I'll make it easy - we're all scared. And we all find ways to ameliorate that. Joining in with the crowd, collectively making believe you have a special strength that 50% of the rest of the world doesn't - that's how it went for you.
You really have to laugh that this stuff has come back into fashion, but I think there are reasons, the dialogues that pervade our recent history - last twenty years in the west - have been extremely harmful to everyone, and perhaps most of all to young men. I wouldn't guess I would find it easy to accept their natural strength and intelligence, if I'd grown up a decade or two later.
The worst thing for me at 45, is knowing it went wrong. Knowing more lies are believed now than when I was younger. And seeing for myself, that what they said was true - it never stops at one lie. The first will require another to prevent the natural process of the truth naturally being revealed. Another lie, another denial, another obstruction, another collective sulk, another target, and the brief respite of a good chest beating, is all you will ever know. You poor bastards! Never knowing the security the others tasted, that means that - most of the time - admitting the truth can't possibly hurt you as much as another lie.