Strangest thing that has ever happened to you in a pub

[Latics Fan SJK]

years ago was at a funeral wake in our local boozer,went to the toilet for a piss,stood there pissing into the piss stone when this lads girlfriend came from nowhere,grabbed my cock from behind and told me how she'd always wanted me to fuck her! mad as fuck!

Was she a looker? - Why doesn't this sort of shit ever happen to me?

she was pretty decent mate back in the day,scrubbed up well,filthy little mare as well.Seen her recently though and she's not aged too well,i wonder whether she still goes round grabbing cocks in toilets? hmmm

More to the point. What did you do when she grabbed your pencil?

 

[kp789]

Just remembered another,in the Junction on Turner Lane in Ashton one Sunday evening,when Jeff the landlord comes downstairs and throws his keys on the bar and says "it's all yours lads".
He then leaves the pub and me and my mates look at each other unsure what to do next until my mate Boothy did a ring round and it's on.
When the rep from the brewery arrived on Monday it looked like the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan,apparently they'd had words Sunday afternoon and Jeff had had Robbies up to here and decide to chuck it in.
My mate's a glazier for Tameside Glass and had a call from a pub in Limeside in Oldham,I was giving him a hand and we were replacing the windows as they'd all been smashed,I know I was suprised as well.
As we finished up along comes a bloke bandaged up to the elbows,don't bother lads I'll only do 'em again tonight.

I dont understand....

 

[pirate]

I used to work part time in a pub in High Wycombe, The Hour Glass near Addams Park (city fans drank it dry the year we were down among the dead men).

When Wycombe played fulham, two fulham fans had punching contest. They took it in turns to punch each other in the face. The one being punched stood there with his arms by his side, was punched in the face, fell to the ground got up and then the roles were reversed. It was mental, blood everywhere, i think one lost a tooth, both definately had broken noses and split lips and other cuts and black eyes.

It was mesmerising, eventually i had to ring the police before one of them was seriously hurt. When i told them i had called the police they piled out of the pub, into their minibus, travelled 10 m across the roundabout to the petrol station to buy petrol. the police couldnt help but catch them. Fulham fans are daft fuckers

 

[bluestevei]

Went in the Unicorn on Church Street after the 2-0 home win against Everton last year with two mates. We were sat in the alcove opposite the bar, and a few tables along there was a bloke easily in his late 50s/early 60s, canoodling with a girl who was 16 at the very most, I personally thought she was about 14. Everyone was staring and they just didn't give a fuck.

it wasn't ken barlow or stuart hall was it

 

[waterloo blue]

Just remembered another,in the Junction on Turner Lane in Ashton one Sunday evening,when Jeff the landlord comes downstairs and throws his keys on the bar and says "it's all yours lads".
He then leaves the pub and me and my mates look at each other unsure what to do next until my mate Boothy did a ring round and it's on.
When the rep from the brewery arrived on Monday it looked like the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan,apparently they'd had words Sunday afternoon and Jeff had had Robbies up to here and decide to chuck it in.
My mate's a glazier for Tameside Glass and had a call from a pub in Limeside in Oldham,I was giving him a hand and we were replacing the windows as they'd all been smashed,I know I was suprised as well.
As we finished up along comes a bloke bandaged up to the elbows,don't bother lads I'll only do 'em again tonight.

I dont understand....

Don't understand what mate?

 

[Churchill123]

A 10 minute conversation with a girl culminated with her leading me outside by my hand, taking me around the side of the Pub and sucking me off. She said she'd tried to seduce me the previous weekend but I was so pissed I can't remember meeting her. I saw her around a couple of times again but she acted like nothing had happened.

Your some kind of sex god then pal?<br /><br />-- Thu May 02, 2013 12:20 pm --<br /><br />

My 2nd wife of 3 years wanted to go to my old drinking ground in Ashton i had my doubts as shes a bit of an Urmston snob but i thought why not so we went one Saturday night
After a few drinks around Ashton and a very very swift one in The Bowling Green i took her in The Prince Of Orange to meet the legendary piss head landlady ''Tits out Carol''
The place was heaving with a crappy DJ on and Carol was perched on her stool at the end of the bar pissed as a fart as usual and we edged our way over to her, ''whos the blonde'' she said shes got tits nearly as big as mine and promptly whips her top up and her tits come flopping out to cheers from everyone stood at the bar.
Her husband Roger who was serving behind the bar comes over and said put them away Carol hes seen them before, yeah she said but his Mrs hasnt and wheres the dog it wants its kebab, goes behind the bar and comes out with a manky dog draped over her shoulders and sways through the crowd with it outside to the kebab shop.
About 15 mins later shes back with the dog wrapped around her neck and gives it a big dog bowl with the kebab in at the end of the bar with people pouring beer in another bowl next to it, then a massive brawl breaks out on the dancefloor and the Mrs decides its time to go, she just sat there on the train back to town shellshocked muttering ''iv never seen a place like that in my life'' she has never asked to go to Ashton again !!

This is the best thread for a while!!! - Tits out carrol and kebab eating dogs!... where is this place you speak of? - Its sounds unreal!

 

[Moxley]

A mate and me got asked for ID in a pub in Stalybridge a long time ago, not a problem until my mate uttered under his breath "Jesus, we always get asked for ID"

The the landlord refused to serve us and barred us for taking the lords name in vain. Strange.

The same mate also threw up on a girl I was trying to chat up in Fishers in Hyde that same night. That didn't go down too well.

 

[kp789]

Just remembered another,in the Junction on Turner Lane in Ashton one Sunday evening,when Jeff the landlord comes downstairs and throws his keys on the bar and says "it's all yours lads".
He then leaves the pub and me and my mates look at each other unsure what to do next until my mate Boothy did a ring round and it's on.
When the rep from the brewery arrived on Monday it looked like the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan,apparently they'd had words Sunday afternoon and Jeff had had Robbies up to here and decide to chuck it in.
My mate's a glazier for Tameside Glass and had a call from a pub in Limeside in Oldham,I was giving him a hand and we were replacing the windows as they'd all been smashed,I know I was suprised as well.
As we finished up along comes a bloke bandaged up to the elbows,don't bother lads I'll only do 'em again tonight.

I dont understand....

Don't understand what mate?

What happened to the pub? Why did he leave it and why was it trashed?

 

[york away to this!]

I once stumbled in to a pub in Alty on a saturday afternoon to the sight of the entire floor turfed...

 

[kp789]

I once stumbled in to a pub in Alty on a saturday afternoon to the sight of the entire floor turfed...

Grass?