The "let's talk" thread

[Ric]

I'm fucked.

There you go, first time I've admitted it.

Sometimes I wish I didn't exist, or that life was a bit easier.

I've too many health issues at the moment, most of my own making and I don't know how I can change it.

Hope you've recovered from your fall in Milan mate? Fair play for opening up on this thread, confronting your issues is often the hardest step. Never too late to start making lifestyle changes though, even if it's just one small step at a time (e.g. gradually cutting back on booze, gently upping the exercise etc). I'm sure there are people on here who are better placed to offer specific dietary or exercise advice if you're ok to discuss any specific health issues?

 

[squirtyflower]

I'm fucked.

There you go, first time I've admitted it.

Sometimes I wish I didn't exist, or that life was a bit easier.

I've too many health issues at the moment, most of my own making and I don't know how I can change it.

What was the doctor’s advice?

 

[somapop]

Back in April my relationship with my long term partner ended(15 years).
She just came home and told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted me to leave the home we've been living in for 13 years.

I was utterly devastated by the news and she wouldn't let me talk to her to try to sort it out and try to save the relationship. We have a son together and the only thing we could agree on was him and to make sure he wasn't affected by it.

I had to move into my dad's flat which wasn't too bad as he works in Spain and my brother lives there so at least I had somewhere to live.

However in July my dad had to come home as he was feeling unwell. He went to the doctor's who immediately referred him to hospital. After about 3 weeks it was confirmed that he had non curable lung cancer (stage 4).

This was of course again devestating news for me again and I had to start looking for somewhere to live but I know this sounds daft but I was shit scared of living on my own(I'm 44) as I've never done that before.

I was completely stressed out and about a month ago I had a complete breakdown in work and I had to go to hospital where I was diagnosed with acute anxiety and high levels of stress.

My Dr said it it a cry for help by my body as I was completely burnt out

I have since been referred to a therapist which has been great for me and has taught me how to cop better with all these things what have happened to me.

My and the ex are on good speaking terms and have come to an arrangement with our son which suits us both.

I have found somewhere to live. I've got an apartment in Oldham town center which is close to my dad and not too for from my son on the tram and I'm slowly getting used to living on my own.

However I'm still finding it dealing with my dad's situation. Too see his deterioration is really hard for me to cope with but my therapist is helping me with that.

All I want to say is my close friends and work have been brilliant with me and if people out are having similar issues don't bottle it all up like I did. Tell people how you feel and ask for help. It's out there and it'll make you feel so much better like I'm beginning to feel.

Sorry for the long post

Wow mate...sounds remarkably similar to my situation last year (and recently coming to the realistion my mother is succumbing to dementia...but lives over 60 miles away).
We have a daughter with ASD (asperger's of old) which is a struggle. I'm still in the family home as we're co parenting and although she has moved on and has found a ner guy, it's impossible for me to do due to my home set up. In saying that (and to echo a recent thread) I'm very happy being single now...dated a few last year which helped with the seperation, but perhaps too early for me and (and I was perhaps still not entirely happy in my own skin) at 45/46. Ended up on a personal discovery and found confidence I never knew I had (although I retain elemets of shyness I try and push down).
I too had a breakdown after the split (ended up on meds)....never felt so low in my life. Didn't sleep for months and wasn't particularly pleasant. Instead of turning to booze however, I ramped up the healthy eating and exercise. I run quite a bit but joining the gym was one of the best moves I've done. Best shape of my life.
I talk to a fair few women but leave it that...the timing isn't there but it's just nice to make friends as and when...as per above, I always struggled with talking to new people growing up.
A postive was meeting long lost brothers, ironically a few months before the split (an adoption story)...they're firm friends now and, of course, have been great shoulders to share my woes with.

I'm doing night school (and a lot of homework) in computer programming which I very intense...my big hope is I can move into that career which will help me immensely.
It can get a little toxic here at times...and recently these past few weeks I've had a wobble or two (the news about my mother and the pressure of the course and change in weather isn't helping)...but other than that there are times when I've never been happier (I do have to top up with exercise almost every day however...booze is limited to the odd drink at the weekend).

Good luck with it all mate...find something that helps and just talk, talk, talk...

 

[Hes the left back remember]

Sounds like a tough time Somapop with a lot going on. However seems you are coming through it ok which is encouraging to read,good luck!

 

[RadcliffeRick]

This may be a stupid suggestion but here goes. If you have a big problem you will not, I guess, want to put it on the open forum. Just a suggestion is it possible to have a common shared pm inbox for mods? I realise some dick heads will abuse it but if it saves one bad situation then it has served its purpose

 

[Ric]

This may be a stupid suggestion but here goes. If you have a big problem you will not, I guess, want to put it on the open forum. Just a suggestion is it possible to have a common shared pm inbox for mods? I realise some dick heads will abuse it but if it saves one bad situation then it has served its purpose

There is a @Moderating Team account, but it's not always checked regularly. Anyone is more than welcome to PM me though if needed. I'm on here every day, and always happy to talk.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

There is a @Moderating Team account, but it's not always checked regularly. Anyone is more than welcome to PM me though if needed. I'm on here every day, and always happy to talk.

That's a great offer Ric.

 

[Cellarite]

Best thread on here for ages.

I may well contribute one day but for now, I hope it's helping someone.

People you know often say that they're there to talk to but it's empty words. When you begin to talk, you can see that they're not listening. There's a hope there that they can make you laugh briefly and that's all the help you need.

Still managed to get my there/their/they're words in the correct places though didn't I?

 

[kippaxwarrior]

Wow mate...sounds remarkably similar to my situation last year (and recently coming to the realistion my mother is succumbing to dementia...but lives over 60 miles away).
We have a daughter with ASD (asperger's of old) which is a struggle. I'm still in the family home as we're co parenting and although she has moved on and has found a ner guy, it's impossible for me to do due to my home set up. In saying that (and to echo a recent thread) I'm very happy being single now...dated a few last year which helped with the seperation, but perhaps too early for me and (and I was perhaps still not entirely happy in my own skin) at 45/46. Ended up on a personal discovery and found confidence I never knew I had (although I retain elemets of shyness I try and push down).
I too had a breakdown after the split (ended up on meds)....never felt so low in my life. Didn't sleep for months and wasn't particularly pleasant. Instead of turning to booze however, I ramped up the healthy eating and exercise. I run quite a bit but joining the gym was one of the best moves I've done. Best shape of my life.
I talk to a fair few women but leave it that...the timing isn't there but it's just nice to make friends as and when...as per above, I always struggled with talking to new people growing up.
A postive was meeting long lost brothers, ironically a few months before the split (an adoption story)...they're firm friends now and, of course, have been great shoulders to share my woes with.

I'm doing night school (and a lot of homework) in computer programming which I very intense...my big hope is I can move into that career which will help me immensely.
It can get a little toxic here at times...and recently these past few weeks I've had a wobble or two (the news about my mother and the pressure of the course and change in weather isn't helping)...but other than that there are times when I've never been happier (I do have to top up with exercise almost every day however...booze is limited to the odd drink at the weekend).

Good luck with it all mate...find something that helps and just talk, talk, talk...

Thanks. Yeah it's very similar. lm learning just to take each day as it comes although my stress levels have rose a bit this week as my dad is currently in hospital with a chest infection so again I'm running about all over the place. Looking after my dad, doing the school run, work ect.

I feel I am dealing with it better now. I still have bad days where I just lock myself away but that's really for me to collect my thoughts and calm myself as I'm not on medication.

I do have more good days than bad now which is a good thing and weirdly I find coming on here and posting a way of reducing my stress levels(although not last week!!)

I'm lucky to have a really good support network and to emphasize that this morning my uncle has given me his season card for the Chelsea game so I can forget about my worries for a few hours.

Not been on any dates yet as I feel emotionally I don't feel ready yet but end of next month it's a new year and a new decade and hopefully a new me

 

[Bilboblue]

What was the doctor’s advice?

Seen a couple of them so far mate, it's a bit of a vicious circle at the moment, need to get out and exercise more, which I had started doing, but then the plantar fasciitis and gout seemed to return as I did. Got a gym referral, gonna call them Monday and see if they can point me in the right direction.

Have hardly been drinking at all recently, so that's not the reason for the gout coming back, as it was before.