Ha. I'll raise your Dwarves and see you.
About 10 years ago my lad wasn't in his school nativity play, because there wasn't one. Instead the school's powers that be had decided to put on a play at Christmas that was all about how good it is to eat healthy food. Yes, somebody somewhere decided that instead of the traditional nativity play, they would get the kids to do a hour long show about why carrot sticks and apples are much better than burgers and crisps. Because some people might be offended at having Christmas rammed down their throats if they don't celebrate Christmas.
You want the punchline?
My son attended a Church of England school.