Things your missus does that drive you to despair

A few have mentioned the horror, and I'm using that word deliberately, the fucking horror of her coming home and telling you the most inane, boring, mind melting shite about her work

This is how the last one went.

"Cara is feeling really stressed this week. I think her mum has got worse"

"Whose Cara?"

"Cara, I've told you about Cara, engineering tutor, runs for Scotland"

I haven't a fucking clue who this cow is, or care. I now have to pretend.

"Oh Cara, that's a shame."

Then it begins, a 20 minute indepth assessment of Cara's mental health situation and a diagnostic surrounding the probable causes.

During this I get.

" stop looking at your phone would you? You're so rude"

No matter how many times I have told her I dont give a flying fuck about anything or anyone in her work who I have never met. I'm talking low thousands here. Even the ones I have met I don't want to discuss.

If she has a problem at work we discuss it. I give her my advice. She doesn't take it. The problem goes on and I have to listen until I explode that it's simply fixed if you just call the **** out.

I don't understand organisational politics apparently. She forgets I ran an organisation with 100 staff.

I can't win.

One of her workmates is getting a run for chickens.

Where the fuck do you go with that?

"That's nice".

Is the absolute best I could come up with.

Was it sufficient? Take a stab in the dark.
 
Uses my dustbuster and leaves it with no charge and not emptied. I only got it yesterday too. and it's annoyed me sufficiently to post this.

Cooking everything by turning the grill/oven/hob to MAX and wondering why things are burnt yet still cold on the inside.

Bring up conversations of several days ago as if there had been no break in between... "and anyway, its not as much as you spent last time you went out to watch the footy"

Leaves the washing up bowl full of water when she's done, so I have to empty a cold, greasy sink-full later on.

Leaver her contact lens case on the side and then moans when it gets knocked into the sink, or double moans if I move it to the cupboard.

Regards the yearly service/MOT as her car's once a year clean, by getting the garage to throw in a wash and valet for free. Gawd bless the apprentice at Toyota who had to do that last week.

Has a lie in 'because the kids are still asleep' even if its pushing 8am, then we have a household of three screaming females stressing out to get out for half past. Should I leave for work before them, I'm regarded as not pitching in and doing a runner, despite being up since 6 myself and having a job to get to.

Signs me up to go to her friends' houses for lunch. I'd prefer the honesty of being told I've been dragged along purely to childmind so she can gossip all morning. At least then we could opt for the park or something the kids will actually enjoy.

Holds up the household calendar as if it is the very word of God should I forget to put anything on there, but if it clashes with her own opinions on what I should be doing then it is irrelevant how long it has been on there.

Plenty of good things too, but I'm forty next year and need to get used to being irritated by the petty things.
 
We’re in Keswick, looking for suitable accommodation to rent next year. The wife pointed out that one cottage had been refurbished after the floods in 2016. That might be the case, we said, but not as a direct result of the floods - the property is just too high. My son pointed out that there is a mark in the park below us showing how high the floods were. I pointed out that we could see the rooftops of many properties that were below our current elevation, and if this property was flooded, it would have been of biblical proportions. The wife just won’t have it though. No, this property was damaged by the floods.
 
moving the coffee table of the rug to either hoover it or to change the little lad on it(she says its more comftable for him) and then doesnt move it back and leaves it pushed up against the fireplace.

Leaving the lids on the shampoo, conditioner and shower gel open and left on the shower floor, she then moans that the lad gets hold of them and has emptied them all.

talks from another room and when i say 'i cant hear you' she just says one word that means nothing to me as i didnt hear her, i then say what you on about and she says the same word to me again.........aaarrrggghhhhh

washing the pots and making the floor piss wet through and doesnt wipe it up
 
Blue Hefner said:
I can recommend Aldi's Magnum washing up liquid, the one in the silver bottle

Anyway. You are, of course, correct. It really pisses me of when Mrs Hef contaminates the sink, especially during the time im washing up. She just starts dropping things in it, there is an order. Glasses/cups first, cutlery, plates then pots and pans
Click to expand...
There is an order to everything mate washing up included, why can't these disorganised women realise this? :)
 
nw42 said:
Mine does this as well, stacks them up in such a ridiculous fashion that there's no way they don't need removing before starting the job. She always has to have a pudding of some sort, by the time she's finished I've usually done the pots but I leave the water in the sink for her to wash the spoon/dish/plastic pot, she just fucking dumps them in the sink and breezes off to watch some shite tv.

Will give that Aldi one a try, cheers, always been a Fairy man (so to speak) but am always willing to change.

Some may say why do the pots when you have a wife but I'm not like that, I like to know they are done properly.
Click to expand...
Same with me, i always wash the pots so they are done properly, Mrs Xiphos's dish washing skills are minimal..i blame her Mother....she will pile them all in the sink and sort of swirl them around, she very rarely uses a dishcloth and hasn't got a scooby what a brillo pad is, she then puts them on the draining board and pours cold water over them, fucking strange so i fucked her off away from the sink after a few months of marriage, she could give us all food poisoning i told her, she said thats how her Mum did it and it was ok
Must try this silver bottle Aldi stuff, Fairys getting a bit expensive
 
A bloke sits down and think's, what can I do ? A woman sits down and think's, what can I get him to do.
Explain how doing it one way would be easier but no, "If I wanted it done that way I'd tell you ." Three weeks later... Frank's wife's sisters cousin said if we do it that way it would be easier and it was.
Hair dryer in a drawer, if bank's would put a hair dryer in a safe no one would be able to get in it to rob it.
Cushions again. Why ?
Took her out for a meal last week. All she did was complain. Even let her choose what toy she wanted with her Happy Meal. No pleasing some of them.
 
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