* Top Tips! *

[theholyswan]

One for the girls;
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Already been said mate.

 

[BlueMooner87]

always keep a roll of toliet paper in the car.


If you throw up when pissed never sit on the fold down seat that faces backwards in a black cab, when you go to throw up out the window the person sat infront of you gets covered in it

 

[r01z]

Dont try to catch a moving train.......... It fooking hurts

 

[johnmc]

If you soil yourself whilst away from your residence, at work for example, do not try to wash it off in the toilets as it will make a mess, will take too much time and be obvious to everyone. Let it dry and when you are back home it will flake off easily and with the help of a small hand brush can be removed in seconds. No one will ever be any the wiser

 

[burning blue soul]

garner juicy gossip from neighbours when out shopping by carrying a 6 x 3 wavy lap fence panel around with you. when bumping into people you know simply plonk the panel down and talk over the fence as you would in your back garden.

this will render your friend 'at ease' and all the dirty laundry will be aired.

 

[Newlunar]

Dog walkers, increase your cricketing skills by bowling your dog's ball for him and catching his turds before they hit the ground like a wicket keeper.

 

[The Goat Feeder]

don't eat a pineapple with the skin on

unless you want bucking bronco sex never call out somebody else`s name while have sexual intercourse,


its called bucking bronco sex because if you are having sex with partner a, and call out partner b`s name you have to see how long you can stay on

Never feel the need to explain your jokes/gags. It really kills the moment!

 

[Llewellyn Dowd]

Make your neighbours think you're a party animal by getting up at five in the morning, getting dressed in your suit, roll about in a muddy puddle, throw a tin of vegetable soup down the front of your jacket, shit your pants and then crawl up your street making as much noise as possible (singing, shouting etc!). They'll all think you've been out, partying all night and got shit-faced.

 

[karlzberg]

Ladies, Leaving your curtains open when undressing will ensure that, in the event of any unfortunate accident, anyone watching you through binoculars can quickley summon help.

 

[karlzberg]

Blue Peter presenters, Bring the old home-made toy telephone up to date by not using anything to join the two paper cups together.