* Top Tips! *

[Llewellyn Dowd]

Men, ever wondered how to stop your wife from moaning about you always leaving the toilet seat up? Here's the answer! Simply leave it down all the time, even when you have a piss. This will completely piss her off, so much in fact, she'll start leaving the seat up for you!!

Job's a good 'un!

 

[Mrs Danish Blue]

If in the deadly vice like grip of an alligator, push your thumbs into its eyes. It will let go.

This also works on kittens

and goldfish

 

[theholyswan]

Never look inside a Goose's rectum using a telescope. The strong light emittied from its inner "Bread" alarm will blind you in a second.

NB:An inner bread alarm is the alarm that is triggered when people throw bread at Ducks and Geese in the local park/petrol station.

 

[smudgedj]

No need to spend 25 million on Tevez, 12 million on Barry and 25 million on Adebayor, take a leaf out of uniteds book and buy the referee.

 

[Anonymous]

When visiting barnsley always ensure you leave behind any personal effects and
valuebles safely at home to avoid the unscupolous thieves & pickpockets!

Also if you ever need to visit Shaw in oldham always wear a good raincoat -
its generally `arsing it down`!

naturally! he he ;-)

 

[theholyswan]

Badgers
Under
Mud
Pancakes

 

[droylsdenblue]

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin into a bowl of iron filings.

 

[josh06]

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin into a bowl of iron filings.

hahaaha!!

 

[droylsdenblue]

Whilst in bed protect yourself from vampires and werewolves by hiding under the covers.

 

[wayne71]

Save used banana skins and take them on you're hols...They make ideal sun hats for starfish.

One for the girls;
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

One for the boys;
Make your girlfriend scream when you're having sex by phoning her up and telling her.