* Top Tips! *

[buzzer1]

Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon

HaHaHaHAhaHA, Not laughed so much in yonks FF, your a funny toke man, keep it up.

 

[buzzer1]

If you are going out for the day and you have goldfish, put a round wall clock on top of the fish bowl, cut a small hole out of say, the number 8(if your going out at 8), put a piece of bread next to the small hole, so when the small hand goes back to 8,(12 hours later), it will knock the bread into the water, and hey presto, no half starved fish.













Coat, flippers, gone.

 

[EastStandLower]

Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on boxing day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

 

[eden09]

Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon

HaHaHaHAhaHA, Not laughed so much in yonks FF, your a funny toke man, keep it up.

Hilarious!! :-D

 

[mrbelfry]

keep jam in your pockets and then you'll always have jam in your pocket

 

[Le Havre Oswald]

The word 'Tsunami' is not in a phone's predictive text dictionary.

So if you ever get a text from saying,

'Trumang!!!',

get the FOOK off the beach.

 

[NPBlue]

Want to have a seat on your own?

Hang some Spaghetti from your nose!

It works a treat.

 

[theholyswan]

Cant afford a pair of Sunglasses and dont want to wear a hat because you look stupid?

Simply sellotape Beermats to your eye brows.

 

[paphos-mcfc]

Fed up of shagging the same woman? Want a new experience? Warm a tin of plumrose hotdogs in the tin, take the middle hotdog out and insert your cock.

Let your missus know that your a real man by leaving king kongs finger sticking out the toilet bowl, when she screams in horror, just tell her you forgot and that you love her, she'll be eating out of your hand in no time!

When in the presence of hot ladies, say on a beach somewhere, where a false arm and an extra large baggy coat, you'll look a twat and a bit conspicuous, but know one will no what your really doing!!

 

[theholyswan]

When in the presence of hot ladies, say on a beach somewhere, where a false arm and an extra large baggy coat, you'll look a twat and a bit conspicuous, but know one will no what your really doing!!

il get my Coat...