I've come up with an alternative 11. If people like it I'm happy to continue it through the season:
Ederson - used his hands well
Rico - ran up and down and passed the ball with his foot
Dias - wonderful finish even if at the wrong end
Van Dijk - heard him called a Rolls Royce so guessing he's good every game
Robinson - watched 2min highlights on youtube and he got an assist. Can't think of another LB.
Rice - harsh sending off and Arsenal would have won with him on the pitch so shows how good he was
Joelinton - saw the sky highlights and he played a good through ball
De Bruyne - another player who oozes class so assume he was probably decent
Diaz - scored twice
Salah - nice new haircut and scored
Delap - lovely finish. Haaland got three but he plays for City so it's like scoring 0.5 for anyone else.
Manager - Ten Hag - funny Harry Potter reference.
Surprised Casemiro didn't get in the team: after a nightmare first half he showed his class and experience by not making a single error in the second.
But true!!....That's… not kind.
5 Liverpool players in it after an easy win against a bunch of clowns.Nice to see they've found someone else to not watch the games and then choose a team based on whoever scored or whoever looked decent in the highlights.
But even so, Jesus Christ this is bad.
Alisson (Liverpool): He was the only goalkeeper to keep a clean sheet. Liverpool were all over Manchester United from start to finish.
Brilliant analysis. And did Alisson actually do anything himself?
Lamare Bogarde (Aston Villa): I've gone a bit different at the back. He made his debut for Aston Villa and handled himself very well.
Handled himself very well. How specific.
Virgil van Dijk (Liverpool): He got a clean sheet and was a monster once again. He was a colossal force at the back. He oozes quality and Liverpool need to tie him down on a new contract.
Virgil van Dijk is a good defender and Liverpool probably shouldn't let him leave on a free. And he gets paid for this.
Nathan Collins (Brentford): Was very good for Brentford and assisted the goal that was given to Yoane Wissa. He was good in both boxes.
'Good in both boxes' because he's a defender who got an assist, presumably. What did he do well in the other box?
Andy Robertson (Liverpool): He had a really good game in a dominant Liverpool performance.
A really good game, you say? Wow, I can just picture it in my head.
I'd say he's just fed the match reports into ChatGPT and got it to write it for him, but I reckon ChatGPT would have a bit more flair than that.
I'm absolutely sure the viking hasn't got a clue who Troy Deeney isAnd I’m absolutely sure that the Viking doesn’t give a flying fuck either way.
I wouid eat both then make a wee face on the tin. It would be great.I'm not saying garth crooks is dull but if I got stranded with him and a tin of tuna on a desert island I'd eat crooks and talk to the tuna