Dave Brailsford marginal improvements:
1.Baggier shorts
2. Go faster stripes on shin pads.
3. A sky blue stripe on the shirts.
4. No studs on boots to reduce the weight.
5. Cartoons painted in the penalty area.
6. All players to be over 6ft 7.
7. BETTER PEDS
8. EVEN BETTER PEDS.
9. Rooney to be chief coach.
10. MORE PEDS THAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.
11. Screens in the changing room to prevent cock comparisons.
12. French windows in the back of the changing room for a faster getaway.
13. Just in case, MORE PEDS.