What’s everyone doing this weekend?

Cellarite said:
Paintballing with my under 14's league Champions. 13 of the little shites who will target me deliberately whether or not they're on my team. If that isn't enough, my 14 year old is in the team and my 20 year old is one of the adults playing.

I now appreciate how Salmon Rushdie felt after the release of the Satanic Verses back in 1988.
Click to expand...
Well that went well.

As soon as the first whistle went, I thought I’d move away from the main area of the battlefield where the fences and towers are and use the flanks.

I ran into the bushes and immediately lost my footing and fell into a ditch. There were two logs about a couple of feet apart, every time I tried to get up, I fell over one of these. I was disoriented and scared. It took me the best part of 2 minutes to get my bearings and continue.

I was soon hit in the left shoulder by an unidentifiable sniper but decided to carry on as it wouldn’t have killed me in a war.

The next direct hit was by my 20 year old son. I had knocked the safety catch on my gun and as I looked down to fix it, the cocky little twat shot the top of my head. It’s very tender today.

We found ourselves 3-1 down on activities and it was the best of 7. We needed to attack on a certain game but my teammates seemed rattled and were playing too defensively for my liking. I had a moment of madness and made a run for it. I was firing my gun wildly like Tony Montana but was hit 3 times in my belly, twice on my left thigh and once on each knee.

The most pain I suffered was when one of the little shits shot the tip of my thumb although a mouthful of paint wasn’t really pleasant.

The visor of the mask steams up and you can’t see clearly. The bottom of the visor is clearer but you need to tilt you head back to see. I turned a corner and there’s my lad again. I knew all those nights over the years, there was a reason he shouldn’t be playing Call of Duty so much. He fired at me and the fucker caught my top lip and green and orange paint exploded in my mouth.

Today, I feel my age. When we walked the dog this morning, I felt like I’d been beaten up badly. I’d have been safer had I stood in the middle of the South Africa v British Lions pitch in a tutu yesterday shouting “Egg chasers are jessy boys”.
 
Picked up a new dog from Nottingham and now drinking.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top
✖
  AdBlock Detected
Bluemoon relies on advertising to pay our hosting fees. Please support the site by disabling your ad blocking software to help keep the forum sustainable. Thanks.