When was the last time you soiled yourself?

I'm not sure if I've already posted in this thread, but even if I have, it deserves to be said again.

A mate of mine (probably about 19/20 at the time) got absolutely battered at a house party a few years ago. Totally hammered, it was incredible. He shit himself and passed out downstairs, so a few of us had to hold our breath carry him up to the toilet and throw him in the bath. We turned the shower on, stuck it down his trousers and left him in there, bath filling up with brown water. Took about an hour for the water to turn clean. Nasty stuff, but honestly one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Personally, I've not shit myself since I was about 6 because I'm normal.
 
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I was ill a couple of weeks ago and farted hard and had to run upstairs!

It looked like Chinese curry sauce and fallen into my Primarni undies.
 
Christmas day night 1988. 16 year old and still at school.. went to my mates mams party after the pub and necked half a pint of brandy for a dare. Went home couldn't get in, absolutely smashed.. woke up early hours in the dogs basket in the shed with shit everywhere! At about 4 am I'm in my garden with no pants on, washing them in the fish pond. At that moment the light went on..luckily it was mi mam.. I eventually got to bed ill as fuck..Door went about 9. It was my mate Batesy picking me up for the Stoke away match. I tried to blow it but my dad made me get up and go. As I was getting ready I heard 'SHEILA' That fucking dogs shit all over the garden ! That was my cue to get the fuck out. Never have I been as ill trevelling to the Victoria ground that day. When I got home at night my mam give me a right going at and said the poor dogs being starved for 2 says because your dad thinks he's got a virus. Great days :-/
 
When I was two and a half. Who gives Guinness to a toddler? Mum was so left field.

Is it an age thing, or have the shiters always done it?
 
bluemonday said:
I was out on the lash thursday, friday & saturday, and on sunday afternoon I took my new bird out for lunch (been seeing her for 2 weeks), I was sat at the table while she went to the ladies. While she was gone I thought I'd squeeze a fart out. Well some kind of weird shit-bubble exploded in my jeans and splashed up my lower-back, it stunk to high heaven and it stained my kecks and the bottom of my tshirt.

So i thought bollox this and just left. Went home showered and tried to ring her, but she didn't answer and she hasn't rang me since. I suppose thats the romance over. I'm not arsed really though, at least she won't be able to tell her/my mates that I shit meself.
Click to expand...

There’s a sad love song in that tale. Country and Western obviously

But For A Wet Fart, She Could Have Been My Bride.

Just imagine a jangly guitar intro.
 
I was in hospital 12 months ago and needed crutches to get about after a knee replacement. One morning I felt an urgent need and started out slowly for the gents.

Too late. It started to come out relentlessly in semi-liquid form down and through my pyjamas, and made a trail of faeces along the hospital corridor floor to the gents......I had to have my pyjama trousers destroyed, and received a nice new orange pair from the staff. A male nurse came to my bed afterwards and gave me an intimate wash with a flannel and a bowl of warm water.

The next time i looked, the corridor floor was lovely and clean - some poor nurses would have had to wipe it all up.

Who'd be a nurse? I did feel embarrassed, though.

I'd had the hospital porridge for breakfast that morning, but I made damn sure I never had it again.
 
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