When was the last time you soiled yourself?

Was on a big annual pub crawl in Hull, lots of people usually strung out at any one time in and between several pubs over a half mile or so. On one stretch a fart turned into a particularly wet and slightly sloppy utterance. Luckily I was alone, next to a bushy park and it was dark - so I headed deep into the bushes, carefully de-bagged and checked out the carnage.
All contained in the boxers! A quick wipe then into the bin, and I was able to proceed to the next pub loos commando-style.
Did feel a bit sorry for the local dippers though.
 
I'd been trekking for around 14 days. I'd had altitude sickness. I was quickmarching with 20kg of weight on my back from Namche Bazaar village on the edge of the Himalayan pathways to the Everest Bade Camp region and Ama Dablam mountain. I'd had a night in a village only 10km from Lukla, and the airport. I'd been sick with food poisoning or something all night and emptied my guts in many ways.

So, the next day, I thought I as okay, I'd drank loads of water and ate two rounds of toast. I walked around a wide valley passing a few closed lodges. My belly started to rumble after 15 minutes, then a a stabbing sensation in my gut followed and I started to sweat. I desperately looked for an open lodge, out-house toilet or something but all were locked and there were only 4 or 5 options.

Out of season and minus 10 celcius. The trousers were heavy waterproof winter ones. I went behind a small hydroelectric pipe and went to squat. Boom. Too late. Instant sandwich filler. At least I had sealed trousers. The temperature outside was ten below zero, and as I opened the trousers to poor out the new liquid resident, two local porters walked by. I greeted them normally, whilst half-naked, waist down and did my best to make the best of a bad situation.

I wiped myself down and added new trousers. Later I'd find am open lodge and rinse the **** out of everything. Then on arriving at the village of Lukla, I opted for a good shower and a night of rest and recovery. Dignity and Delhi belly in the mountains. Never again. Please.
 
Love this thread, always good for a laugh. Always reminds me of the Micky Flanagan story

 
I just found some bits of dried caked shit in my underpants this morning. Where did they come from? What's happening to me?
 
On a stag in Barcelona. Seafood never agrees with me. Let one go and next I knew my arse had turned into a slurry spreader. Thankfully this was in the bog and my underkecks had contained the mess. Into the bin they went and it was commando time for the rest of the evening.
 
Adidas Barry Silkman said:
My missus dropped a wet one whilst sunbathing on the beach in the med this summer and spattered her hotel beach towel in the process. Luckily the dutch tourists next door were taking a dip in the ocean so she done a quick swap with their identical towel. Job done.
Click to expand...
Classy...and we wonder why people around the world hate the English.
 
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