Indaparkside
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
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Or HOLTSsounds more like a gastro-bug or infection?
Or HOLTSsounds more like a gastro-bug or infection?
I always carry a couple of spare Kleenex if I go ouy. Much better than dock leaves.I have developed an 'issue' with beer. I think I have become allergic to it. If I have a half, I'm fine, no problem. Usually, I can get away with a pint, though there's a moderate risk. Above that, it gives me the shits, no question.
I don't deny I really, really enjoy good beer, so this is a real hardship. Before I figured out the issue, it was a practice for a mate and me to drive out into the country, enjoy a civilised lunch and a couple of pints, and then go for a long walk in England's green and pleasant.
One day, we were about halfway around the circuit when I realised I needed to get back to the pub ASAP as I needed a shit. Then, within minutes, I realised that would not serve. So I told my mate to walk on while I found a convenient bush to semi-hide behind. I dropped my strides and kecks and squatted, and what I can only call projection diarrhoea flew out, forming a large pool some feet behind me. God, the stink! Anyway, I cleaned myself up as best I could with dock leaves, did my best to cover the evidence below some of the local vegetation, and fucked off, strangely conscious of the fact that a whole herd of cows had been staring at me throughout. I also realised that the A59 was a bit nearer than I had appreciated and that a keen-eyed traveller might have spotted what I was doing. (The cover was distinctly limited.)
After that, I started rationing the beer severely. I suspect the allergy, or whatever it is, is now largely eased as my gut has had quite a long rest. But the thought of another experience like that puts me right off drinking too much. You can't repeat that performance in Deansgate, can you?
Climate change and a warm winter means a wider variety of leaves are available. Some with silky undersides.I always carry a couple of spare Kleenex if I go ouy. Much better than dock leaves.
Ooo, forget shitting everywhere, you're talking proper dirty now...silky undersides...my favourite.Climate change and a warm winter means a wider variety of leaves are available. Some with silky undersides.
I know that initial feeling when it's a matter of time and you have to assess options.Last august in greece, skiathos, i went for a walk to the next little village. About a 20 minute walk. Got about half way and got proper stomach gripes , sweating and went shivvery. Started getting a wriggle on but knew i wasnt going to make it so had to run behind a bush. Pulled my shorts down and it fired in all directions. The relief was amazing. Never been so close to full on shitting my kecks.
The relief turned to panic when i realised i had nowt to wipe with , stumbled about behind the bush and found an old disposable coffee cup and scraped it around my hoop
Had another 10 min walk in 100 degrees, never itched so much in my life.
Was a lovely feeling dipping my arse into the aegean sea
Mate, Chicago PD don't give af. They tell you to get on down the road you'd best do it especially 25 years ago before everyone had a video camera in their pocket. Happy it wasn't worse for you.I've never soiled myself except once.
25 years ago or so I was driving in Chicago in a light-to-moderate snow storm. But over time the storm got worse and worse. I couldn't see much but I could follow the heavy traffic in front of me.
Suddenly though - the car right in front of me abruptly made a turn to the left. And once that happened I could see a car - not moving - in my lane.
I quickly looked to my left but there was another car there.
So I stomped on the breaks.
But the road was very icy. And although my breaks were active - my car skidded forward without slowing down at all. I was so scared that I shit myself.
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Bam! I hit the car at speed - totaling both my car and the stalled car.
The crash carried me and the stalled car off the road into a ditch.
I waited and waited - freezing my ass off in the falling snow. Waiting and waiting for the police to arrive. They never did.
So I penned a note giving my name and address and left it on the windshield of the car I hit - luckily my car was still able to drive and I made my way home.
Much later the police arrived at my door. They were very belligerent. Accusing me of felony hit-and-run and other bullshit. Eventually they ticketed me for a lessor offense and left.
Later still - I heard back from the owner of the car I hit. They told me that they had immediately notified the police that their car was immobile in the far right lane of the highway and that they really wanted police to take action to prevent an accident.
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In retrospect - I ought to have sued the Chicago Police for failing in their duty to protect the public.