Why Liverpool won't win the league:
"They dared to dream of an historic double but the brave heroes in red were cruelly denied their chance by team after team laying down to Peps blue mercenaries. A gruelling run deep into the latter stages of the champions league finally saw the plucky underdog warriors defeated by veterans of the Dr Cugat school of medicine. The Strike Force Three, ably supported by Virgil Van Colossus, defeated all before them, winning point after point, heart after heart, writing myth and legend before coming short to the stark reality of cold hard economics. Whilst Klopps brave heroes fought for the salt of the earth citizens of L4 they were ultimately overwhelmed by the ruling elite of a nation state that counts slavery and terrorism as national pastimes. Against such overwhelming odds Klopp and his band of merry men endured to the last with true grit and determination, only rocks and bottles as a defence to the tactical fouling of Thugandinho who didn't even get a yellow card. Nevertheless with good humour, and supported by the proceeds of the Coutinho sale, Klopp and his real men (with the honest endeavour of James Milner, creative talisman Jordan Henderson and freestanding Mohammed 'Mo' Salah) have vowed to go again and do it, not for the vain and obvious attempts of glory like titles, but for the fans, the people. This is a battle for the soul of the game that everyone except for those not turning up at the Etihad dreams that will only have one winner - justice."
Now I sit back and await job offers from all the media outlets