Joke thread

[Tuearts right boot]

Apparently the new pound coin was made that shape so you could use a spanner to prise it out of a Glaswegian's grip.

Allegedly, for the benefit of our Caledonian brethren.

And copper wire was invented when a Scot tried to grab a penny from a Yorkshireman

 

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

I collect empty bottles sounds so much better than alcoholic

Stu Francis

Well he should know about crushing grapes

 

[foggy1974]

No

Well he should know about crushing grapes

Not that Stu Francis the Canadian comedian who is usually on mock the week

 

[BlueS]

Big Issue Seller: Free ticket to York away?
Person: No Thanks
Big Issue Seller: Rag

 

[tshirtman]

Those Stannah stair lifts drive me up the fucking wall.

 

[oakiecokie]

Milton Jones at his best

Going to see Milton in October at Crewe.

 

[KS55]

And for all those who were kids in the 1950's.........
Did you know that Muffin the Mule was a sexual offence?

 

[Ancient Citizen]

Those Stannah stair lifts drive me up the fucking wall.

;)

 

[jimharri]

And for all those who were kids in the 1950's.........
Did you know that Muffin the Mule was a sexual offence?

Barm the mule, shirley?

 

[Ifwecouldjust.......]

Going to see Milton in October at Crewe.

you lucky bar steward. i love Milton Jones (not in the biblical sense obviously)_

 

[tshirtman]

I asked my local baker..

"How come all your cakes are 50p and that one there is £1

He said..." that's Madeira cake"

 

[talkativesprout]

I phoned my bosses mobile this morning.

"I'm on the train heading to the south coast now."

"What?" He answered, sounding a bit annoyed.

"It's 5 o' clock in the fucking morning! What are you doing on a train?"

"You tell me," I replied.
"You're the one who told me to be in Brighton early this morning!"

 

[tshirtman]

North Korea are trying to reach New York with a missile, if they can make it there they can make it anywhere.

 

[talkativesprout]

North Korea are trying to reach New York with a missile, if they can make it there they can make it anywhere.

It up to Hue I believe

 

[blue b4 the moon]

It up to Hue I believe

Are they strapping Ferris to it?

I vote NK.

 

[taleofbluehalves]

John Mcenroe lives in Staffordshire
You Cannock be serious!!

 

[taleofbluehalves]

Brilliant news had my prostrate examination today !!! Doctor gave me the thumbs up !!!

 

[taleofbluehalves]

My wife finished with me because of my obsession with Only Fools And Horses.

I said I'll fetch my suitcase from the van..

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My mate keeps throwing money into the Rift Valley.

Generous to a fault.

 

[jimharri]

A teacher asked her class to name things that ended with 'tor', that ate things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word Josh,. Very well done."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't
eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!