Joke thread

The Atlantic 1941, a lone German U boat is being hunted by the royal navy,s new submarine destroyers after sinking shipping bringing supplies to Britain. SILENT RUNNING, orders the captain as the destroyers gather above, total silence is observed by all, beads of sweat run down exhausted faces as the echo sounder signals destroyers directly above.Suddenly, breaking the silence, there is a metallic tinkling noise from within the bowels of the sub that seems to get faster, then slower, and fast again but not letting up.MEIN GOTT, hisses the captain to the first mate, ffs go and find out what that noise is before we are sunk.So the first mate goes to find out what it is, after a few minutes the tinkling noise stops, thank fck thinks the captain we are saved, then the first mate returns. What the hell was it? asks the captain, well, says the first mate I tracked it down to the kitchen where the head cook was having a wank and his cufflinks were hitting the side of the ships hull, well thank god you made him stop retorts the captain. Oh, says the first mate, he wouldnt stop.............. but I got him to take his cufflinks off.
 
Two young nuns riding their pushbikes along a cobblestone alley not far from the convent. Have you ever come this way before? pants one to the other.
 
Bloke went into a pet shop to buy 12 bees. The assistant counted out 13 and handed them over to the customer.
"But; I only wanted 12", he said.
"That's okay", the assistant replied, "the thirteenth one is a freebie".
 
A man goes to see a lawyer and asks "How much do you charge to answer three questions?"

Lawyer: "£2,000"

Man: "Don't you think that's rather a lot of money?"

Lawyer: "No, I don't. What's your third question?"

Not very funny or new but I haven't posted for a while and I want people to like me.
 

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