jimharri
Moderator
Happy/merry Christmas.
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Sam Armstrong
Well-Known Member
"Bollocks to him, start carving the turkey, the gobshite does this every year, he knows he should set off earlier."
Christmas dinner at Chris Rea's house.
Christmas dinner at Chris Rea's house.
SuperstarNeilC
Well-Known Member
2,350 posts on this thread and I haven’t laughed once. You bunch of useless twats.
M
M
mat
Guest
I don't get it?2,350 posts on this thread and I haven’t laughed once. You bunch of useless twats.
SuperstarNeilC
Well-Known Member
I don't get it?
Just a joke. I was taking on a humourless, narked Jose Mohrinio-type persona.
Ok, I’ll think of a joke.
Six Scientologists walk into a brothel...
crazyg
Well-Known Member
My mate's son is taking part in a social experiment.
He has to wear a U****d top for 2 weeks to see how other people react.
So far he has been spat at, punched and verbally abused.
It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
He has to wear a U****d top for 2 weeks to see how other people react.
So far he has been spat at, punched and verbally abused.
It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
LWashington
Well-Known Member
A Year 3 teacher asked the children what they had done over the holidays.
She asked Alice first and Alice said "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your Grandmother", said the teacher "We don't use baby talk now that you're in junior school"
She then asked Kevin what he had done. "I went to London on a choo-choo," he said.
"No, you went to London on a train " she said.
She then added "The next child who uses baby words will miss their playtime".
"Who wants to go next?", fearing missing their playtime no child wants to go next.
Suddenly Johnny's hand shoots up.
The teacher asks Johnny "What did you do over the holidays?"
Johnny replies "I read lots of books"
"Great", said the teacher, "You see class, Johnny is using adult language, and which was your favourite book Johnny?"
"Winnie The Shit.", replies Johnny
She asked Alice first and Alice said "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your Grandmother", said the teacher "We don't use baby talk now that you're in junior school"
She then asked Kevin what he had done. "I went to London on a choo-choo," he said.
"No, you went to London on a train " she said.
She then added "The next child who uses baby words will miss their playtime".
"Who wants to go next?", fearing missing their playtime no child wants to go next.
Suddenly Johnny's hand shoots up.
The teacher asks Johnny "What did you do over the holidays?"
Johnny replies "I read lots of books"
"Great", said the teacher, "You see class, Johnny is using adult language, and which was your favourite book Johnny?"
"Winnie The Shit.", replies Johnny
Last edited:
goalmole
Well-Known Member
Booooooooooooo...[redacted due to explicit content]
SuperstarNeilC
Well-Known Member
Booooooooooooo...
For a tantalising glimpse of the content fill out an FOI request and leave it on the mantelpiece for Santa.
Along with a mince pie and double sherry.
CrazyBlues
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 5 Apr 2018
- Messages
- 68
2,350 posts on this thread and I haven’t laughed once. You bunch of useless twats.
A Superstar without a humour.
Fred_Quimby
Well-Known Member
True
A 4 year olds logic.
Grandpa (me); “Joshua (grandson: 4) would you like to write some tags for your cousin‘s Theo’s Christmas presents?”
Joshua; “Yes please Grandpa”
Me “OK, here’s the tags, now all you have to write is ‘to Theo’”
Joshue; “But that’s not right Granpa”
Me (puzzled); “ Why? What’s wrong with that Joshua?”
Joshua; “Well, there’s only one of him”
A 4 year olds logic.
Grandpa (me); “Joshua (grandson: 4) would you like to write some tags for your cousin‘s Theo’s Christmas presents?”
Joshua; “Yes please Grandpa”
Me “OK, here’s the tags, now all you have to write is ‘to Theo’”
Joshue; “But that’s not right Granpa”
Me (puzzled); “ Why? What’s wrong with that Joshua?”
Joshua; “Well, there’s only one of him”
Uwe Already
Well-Known Member
Why did the chicken go to a seance?
To get to the other side...
To get to the other side...
Why did the chicken go to a seance?
To get to the other side...
Please tell me you got that out of a cracker.
Indaparkside
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
- 15,597
A man walks in the doctors with jelly in one ear and custard in the other’ how can I help you said the doctor, you’ll have to speak up said the man I’m a trifle death
Indaparkside
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
- 15,597
What happened to the snail who lost his shell
He became very sluggish
He became very sluggish
A man walks in the doctors with jelly in one ear and custard in the other’ how can I help you said the doctor, you’ll have to speak up said the man I’m a trifle death
I went to the doctor when I felt ill, he told me to go to the window and pull my tongue out, I said will that make me feel better, He said No I don't like the man across the road.
Well you started the shit jokes.