I've had a wobble today, really down and upset about it all, mainly the how long it will last - the length away from my mum, the months stuck in this small flat with no outside to get in no way of being under the sky no garden, trying to entertain my 3 year old while my partner grumbles in the background working fromhome, watching the freaks that live round here from the window still going out, hearing my son say he's 'being daddy' when asked why he's shouting angrily, running out of bread, not being able to get a delivery slot, worried about my milk allergy son and what happens when his children's soya milk runs out it's all he drinks, it's out of stock everywhere online even if you could gr8 a delivery cos every idiot who can have cows milk is buying it as it's 'long life', Still being awake at 3am, nursing cracked ribs from the 'accident' 9 days ago, but I guess the pain is a little easier, just the feeling of by the time this is all better I'll be losing my boy to nursery, he hasn't been to nursery yet I loved having him with me we'd go out evetwhere, but by the time we can I won't be able to - he'll have been made to start in Sept when he's 4. I'm really rambling now. I need to see my mum, I need to fuss my cats (who stayed with mum when I moved out as I was told wrenching them away to a flat was 'cruel'), I need fresh air, fun with my son, our time. I know everyone's in the same boat but fuck this is hard.. It's the never-ending feeling that is getting me. And I can't type well on a tablet so most of this will be gobbledygook sorry. Will try to sleep again now, we've been doing this 2 weeks with months to go and look at me.. And mum.. 77 with copd and a messy mind, dad died last May and I didn't think life could get worse. Giving birth at 41 was a dream for me i got the life I always wanted, he's my boy he's my world I need to live to 100 to be there for him but fuck the last 18 months was not part of the plan.
Night night