Joke thread

[Dicko69]

 

[JRockBlues]

A man goes to the cinema and finds himself seated near a boy with a golden retriever sat next to him. The film starts but the man is increasingly distracted by the dog who is laughing uproariously during the comedy segments, gasping and pointing a paw during the shocking scenes and whooping and hollering at the action scenes. The man is totally awestruck by the animal and as the credits roll he leans towards the pair and says "That dog of yours is truly amazing. He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. I just can't believe it."

The boy replies "I'm shocked too! He hated the book."

 

[Zuriblue]

Vladimir Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while he gets a 1 day pass for good behaviour.

He walks into a Moscow bar and asks the bartender

Is Crimea ours?
Yes it is.

And the Donbas?
Yes.

And Kyiv?
That too.

Thanks. How much will that be?
5 Euros.

 

[BigJoe#1]

Vladimir Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while he gets a 1 day pass for good behaviour.

He walks into a Moscow bar and asks the bartender

Is Crimea ours?
Yes it is.

And the Donbas?
Yes.

And Kyiv?
That too.

Thanks. How much will that be?
5 Euros.

Very good!!!!

 

[oakiecokie]

Genuinely made me lol. Brilliant Sir.

 

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

Very good!!!!

Is it?
I need the ruble to drop for me.

 

[BigJoe#1]

Is it?
I need the ruble to drop for me

Is it?
I need the ruble to drop for me.

I nearly fell for that !

 

[dronefromsector7G]

 

[nw42]

My missus has just phoned me in tears from the hospital. She said " Ive just seen my x-ray". I said " Dont speak to him, just ignore him".

 

[HorlocksWalk]

Nobody selects a man who can't spell his own location.

This was caused by a computer fault, which often are blamed on a nun friend of mine, Sister Merrrors.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[BackofJeanette]

 

[BackofJeanette]

 

[JRockBlues]

A guy goes to the chemist to get some condoms in preparation for the big night ahead. "Do you want a bag?" the cashier asks.

"No," the guy replies "she's not that ugly."

 

[Keep the Faith]

The latest recording.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

View attachment 38519

I think I'd Pay the government £350 a month

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[bluemoon32]