We were told to prepare for passing. There are 4 of us so I decided everyone gets 10 mins each by mums bed on their own then we gathered round and she drifted off peacefully. She had cancer and was going into hospital for first treatment. I didn't tell her I was travelling from London just turned up at hospital. That was Monday and on Wednesday told she didn't have long left. She passed that afternoon with pneumonia being down as the reasonMy dad passed away 18 years ago in an old folks home and i couldn't be there due to having a young family and working away. They said Sunday evening that the end was near. I couldn't be there as i didn't get paid sick leave.
My situation is different now to back then and when she needed a full time carer i decided to take that position. My brother was doing it previously but he wanted to go back to work full time as he said it was too demanding, that was two years ago.
I never realised how demanding being a carer is and it's had an impact in my wellbeing but i felt duty bound and have got through it. Was hard before mum became bed bound as she thought she was more mobile than she actually was and had several falls resulting in hospital stays.
My eldest daughter has been a big help as she's a district nurse so is used to dealing with end of life situations. Only yesterday she said not to give her grandma any more food and drinks or her usual medication. This hit home hard that she is near end of life and something i was kind of expecting but didn't really know what to expect.
I stayed at her house and tried getting a few hours sleep but haven't slept a wink because I've been able to hear her shallow breathing panting for breath. I was almost asleep at 6am but the doctor knocked on. He basically said what my daughter told me to prepare for her passing.
I'll be sad when the time comes but will feel relieved she is no longer suffering. I was in two minds whether to post on here but i wanted to get things off my chest, and i feel I have. Writing stuff like this isn't easy but it gives others on here an insight in preparing for the worst, and people like you OB who have gone through it yourself.
Thanks for your reply mate.
Thanks pal. I think mum is kind of aware what's going on but is now (seems to me) to be at the stage where she's drifting in and out of delirium. My daughter face timed her aunt last night who lives in Italy and my sister was shocked at mum's deterioration. She cant come over right now as she's broken her foot so it's unlikely she'll see her again, unfortunately. My sister told her she loves her and mum uttered faintly "i love you too", which was a comfort to my sis.BMR, I’m sure your situation brings back a lot of memories for others who’ve been there mate (as it does me), so know just what an awful thing it is you’re all going through, it’s fuckin heartbreaking, especially watching someone who you remember being so strong, so capable.
Just remember she’s where she wants to be, surrounded by the people she wants to be surrounded by, only advice I would offer, and I say this from personal experience, no matter how far out of it she may seem, still talk to her, hold her hand, hug her, kiss her, tell her how much you love her, because as I say from personal experience, she’ll likely be aware still, if you do all this already, keep doing it and don’t stop.
Best wishes mate.
No worries BMR, as the lady from MacMillan said to me with my Nana, she may not be able to communicate or respond, but she knows you’re here and she can hear you, so say and do all the things you would as if she were awake and coherent, I’m sure it’s the same with your Mum, I’ll maybe tell you the whole story one day and that will make more sense, but for now hope things go as well as can be expected in the circumstances mate.Thanks pal. I think mum is kind of aware what's going on but is now (seems to me) to be at the stage where she's drifting in and out of delirium. My daughter face timed her aunt last night who lives in Italy and my sister was shocked at mum's deterioration. She cant come over right now as she's broken her foot so it's unlikely she'll see her again, unfortunately. My sister told her she loves her and mum uttered faintly "i love you too", which was a comfort to my sis.
Was in the garden earlier having a brew and bite to eat when the care company manager knocked on. My bro was watching over her so i wasn't aware he'd called. When i went in the house i was surprised to see 3 paramedics and two policemen there. The care company manager rang 999 and they can't have been 10 minutes from receiving the call to being there( a big thanks to our wonderful NHS staff: )
They had mum on oxygen and wanted to take her to hospital but i said no. Mum has a recently put together end of life plan which they wasn't aware of. Besides that the doctor who saw her early this morning never left any notes. She has a DNR( do not resuscitate) plan that's been in place about 6 months now that we discussed with mum back then.
Since last night mum has gotten worse but seems to be pain free. Whether she is or not i don't really know. Said she hasn't been in pain whenever I've asked. The paramedics administered 2.5 mg of morphine before they left so that will have kicked in now.
Mum knows she's received love and compassion in being well cared for, and will hopefully pass away as pain free as possible, whenever the time comes.
I know just what you are going through mate and no words will make the situation better so just be safe in the knowledge that you have done everything that you could.Apologies to a couple of posters i haven't replied to. Thank you for your support and kind words. Not easy collecting my thoughts and putting them into words but it's helped me since bumping this thread.
Cheers mate, appreciated. We'll go out for a few beers when i get time.I know just what you are going through mate and no words will make the situation better so just be safe in the knowledge that you have done everything that you could.
You know where I am.
No situation like this is ideal but this is close and beautiful. Rip.Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me
RIP mum x
Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me
RIP mum x
So sorry for your loss mate,i was in the same situation a long time ago with my mum.Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me
RIP mum x
Thinking of you and family at this sad time mateMum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me
RIP mum x
Comfort and peace from the pain of grief. Remember all the good times and treasure them.Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me
RIP mum x
You were there, mate...best way possible.Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me
RIP mum x