Joke thread

bluethrunthru said:
This is weird but funny - Crowther was only in his mid 50's at this stage and presumably was keen to "maintain relevance" in a rapidly changing comedy landscape - I think the voice over is Ade Edmondson

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I used to love Alexei Sayle. I remember seeing this when it was broadcast and thinking it was the greatest thing ever. The voice-over is Angus Deayton.
 
roman totale said:
I used to love Alexei Sayle. I remember seeing this when it was broadcast and thinking it was the greatest thing ever. The voice-over is Angus Deayton.
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My best memory from his show was a sketch in the same style as this one - Alexei walking own the street looking into the camera saying

" me and my mate wanted to join the French Foreign Legion but it was too far away so we joined the British Legion instead. The uniform was shit but you were always alright for a late drink if you get my drift "
 
jimharri said:
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Six years ago

dickie davies said:
Man walks into a pub carrying a large yellow fruit
Bloke at the bar says "why are you carrying a grapefruit?"
This isn't a grapefruit. This is a four flavoured fruit
A four flavoured fruit. What a load of rubbish
Here you go, try it

So the bloke at the bar takes a bite and says "Orange"
Yes, now turn it round
So he does , takes another bite and says "Banana!"
Yes, now turn it round
He does so again, takes a bite and says "strawberry"
Yes, now turn it round again
He does, takes another bite and says "Pineapple!!"

There you go, a four flavoured fruit. I can grow this in any flavour
Really! I bet you £100 you can't grow one that tastes like a woman's fanny?
Of course I can, bet accepted but you have to give me a few months

So every week when the grower goes to the pub, the bloke asks him "how's that fruit doing" and every time he gets the same answer "just a little more time needed" until one week the grower walks in, throws a fruit at the bloke and says, "there you go, where's my £100?"
"I need to try it first." so he takes a bite and immediately spits it out. He wipes his mouth and says "fucking hell, that tastes like shit"
The grower replies, "turn it round"
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2 old ladies are sat on a bench in a park, a flasher comes along and flashes at them both.
1 had a stroke, the other couldn't reach
 
Vienna_70 said:
I don’t have a clue what you’re on about, but yes, if you say so.
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Two nuns on a bike; one says "I haven't come this way before"

The other say "It must have been the cobbles"

Sorry, I assumed the thread had turned towards 40 year old jokes.
 
DrBlueBob said:
Two nuns on a bike; one says "I haven't come this way before"

The other say "It must have been the cobbles"

Sorry, I assumed the thread had turned towards 40 year old jokes.
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Talking of old “jokes” and cobbles puts me in mind of the classic opening of

‘What’s the difference between Raquel Welch and a cobbled street?’

I’m sure we all know the answer off by heart.
 
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