Joke thread

Man walks into a pub carrying a large yellow fruit
Bloke at the bar says "why are you carrying a grapefruit?"
This isn't a grapefruit. This is a four flavoured fruit
A four flavoured fruit. What a load of rubbish
Here you go, try it

So the bloke at the bar takes a bite and says "Orange"
Yes, now turn it round
So he does , takes another bite and says "Banana!"
Yes, now turn it round
He does so again, takes a bite and says "strawberry"
Yes, now turn it round again
He does, takes another bite and says "Pineapple!!"

There you go, a four flavoured fruit. I can grow this in any flavour
Really! I bet you £100 you can't grow one that tastes like a woman's fanny?
Of course I can, bet accepted but you have to give me a few months

So every week when the grower goes to the pub, the bloke asks him "how's that fruit doing" and every time he gets the same answer "just a little more time needed" until one week the grower walks in, throws a fruit at the bloke and says, "there you go, where's my £100?"
"I need to try it first." so he takes a bite and immediately spits it out. He wipes his mouth and says "fucking hell, that tastes like shit"
The grower replies, "turn it round"
 
I've just bought a new mouse mat.

That should stop the little fuckers leaving footprints all over the kitchen!
 
Man walks into a pub carrying a large yellow fruit
Bloke at the bar says "why are you carrying a grapefruit?"
This isn't a grapefruit. This is a four flavoured fruit
A four flavoured fruit. What a load of rubbish
Here you go, try it

So the bloke at the bar takes a bite and says "Orange"
Yes, now turn it round
So he does , takes another bite and says "Banana!"
Yes, now turn it round
He does so again, takes a bite and says "strawberry"
Yes, now turn it round again
He does, takes another bite and says "Pineapple!!"

There you go, a four flavoured fruit. I can grow this in any flavour
Really! I bet you £100 you can't grow one that tastes like a woman's fanny?
Of course I can, bet accepted but you have to give me a few months

So every week when the grower goes to the pub, the bloke asks him "how's that fruit doing" and every time he gets the same answer "just a little more time needed" until one week the grower walks in, throws a fruit at the bloke and says, "there you go, where's my £100?"
"I need to try it first." so he takes a bite and immediately spits it out. He wipes his mouth and says "fucking hell, that tastes like shit"
The grower replies, "turn it round"
The YouTube video funny as fk..
 
Bloke goes in a bookstore and says to the girl serving, " have you got the latest book about impotence?"

She replied " I'm sorry, it's not in at the moment!"

" Yes that's the one!" He said.

I know it's been posted before but the old ones are the best!
 
Bloke goes to the library and says to the girl working there " can I take out a book on kleptomania?" Girl says " No, you won't bring it back".
 

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