I was going to do a multi quote reply to everyone who has commented since yesterday but there are a lot and I wouldn't want to repeat myself.
The one I will directly mention was the poster who advised against drinking when you are at a low. On Sunday, I was feeling a bit down and went out on the booze for the sake of it. I knew in my heart of hearts that I'd have been better served staying in and preparing for the working week but the voice in my head was begging for a few pints. "What harm can it do? You deserve a few scoops."
On Sunday evening, I crashed and my mind spiralled. I won't go into too much detail but I woke up on Monday morning wondering what the fuck it was all about and thankful that I'd managed to stop before ruining 3 extremely important relationships in my life.
Last Monday (my first meeting) was incredibly difficult. I wandered around Hull Kingston Rovers' ground wondering what door to go into and had so many tiny moments of thinking "Just get back to the fucking car and go home."
As I approached the entrance I needed to be at, one of the facilitators was outside and knew that I was there for the group. He walked towards me, asked me if I was looking for AMC, introduced himself and did his best to put my mind at ease - he might've cleared about 5% of what I was feeling.
This week, I was upbeat and chatty outside beforehand because I knew what to expect and was actually looking forward to it. Once inside, when the questions began, I choked up a little bit on a couple of my answers but was far better at talking than last week.
One of the facilitators was a really intelligent lad. I like a bit of philosophy and analogies and he told me two. One was a piece of advice to try when I sense that what's going on in my life is about to flare up - he called this the grey rock, and the other was about everyone having a cup inside them. People in your life pour their water into your cup every day but you have no idea how big the cup is from one day to the next. One day you might have a bucket, the next day a shot glass.
When the cup overflows, your mental health suffers. The idea is to try to ascertain from day to day where you're at and how much liquid your cup can take. I suppose the point is that you need to look after yourself first and not let anyone pile onto you if you yourself are not in the right mindset.
After a single meeting, I felt so positive and had ideas all last week of becoming a facilitator in time. When the lad spoke to me in the car park after this week's meeting, I felt like I was walking on air and my problems didn't shrink or disappear, but definitely moved further away for a period of time and were not at the front of my mind.
I haven't addressed every reply since yesterday morning on this post but I haven't ignored any either. I would advise any bloke who reads this and has even an inkling that all is not right with their mind to get down to your local club and just give it a try. It might not be for you but then again, it could just be the start of the rest of your life.
