Best Alan Partridge Quotes

Waiter: Will you be having wine with your meal?

Tony: Not for me.

Alan: No, no. [Sighs] All this wine nonsense! You get all these wine people, don't you? Wine this, wine that. Lets have a bit of red, lets have a bit of white. Ooh, that's a snazzy bouquet. Oh, this smells of, I don't know, basil. Sometimes you just want to say, sod all this wine, just give me a pint of mineral water.

Tony: I don't think wine's an elitist thing anymore, you can get good wine in Tescos now. I'd love to make a genuinely popular wine programme.

Alan: Can I just shock you? I like wine. Despite what I just said earlier. At any one time I have nine bottles of wine in my house.
 
I wish I'd be at bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, "Look at me, I'm a giant witch."
 
"would it be terribly rude to stop listening to you and start talking to someone else?"
 
Ben: Bang & Olufson? Wow, that’s serious, man. Whose is it?
Alan: It’s mine.
Ben: I didn’t know you were into music. I know you’re a DJ, but I’ve heard your show.
Alan: Oh, yeah. I like all the bands. I’ve got a broad taste, you know. From the britpop bands like UB40, Def Leppard, right back to classic rock, like Wings.
Ben: Who’s Wings?
Alan: They’re only the band the Beatles could have been.
Ben: I love the Beatles.
Alan: Yeah, so do I.
Ben: What’s your favourite Beatles album, then?
Alan: Tough one. I think I’d have to say ‘The Best of the Beatles’
 
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