Bullying and the devastating consequences.

[Bigga]

This is a very important point. Some of the things my kids got upset about just made me laugh they were that insignificant. These little things escalate and aggregate and sometimes become major issues, and parents (myself included) often don't (or can't) see the full picture because the child hasn't got the capability to articulate what they're feeling. The damage is already done by that time.

Social media seems to hold back a child's development because, I think, what they see and hear about isn't given time to be processed in their minds before the next piece of shit turns up. And sadly, as can be seen, it leads to heartbreaking consequences.

I must admit, my thoughts have turned to this subject as my son gets older.

He asked me 2 nights ago about if he can have a phones as all his friends have one. He's nine.

I told him 'no' for the simple reason that he doesn't need one yet and I'm trying protect him from the nonsense of social media.

"But I want to talk to my friends", he said.

"That's fair enough", I replied"But you'll see your friends in 2 weeks and you'll have lots to catch up on, then!"

He asked what if he wants to text me, at some point & I said you shouldn't be texting me at school or he'd be with his mother and to use her phone!

He's curious about social media and we'll probably end up in rows over it, but I pointed out his mother that she engages in the FB type of media, so she'll have to warn him of the potential pit falls. I think I want to teach him about all the potential negatives and how it can be dealt with, so he's armed, than enter a world without knowledge and be powerless. He'll have a phone at about eleven, I think.

It's a small thing, but extremely dangerous, social media and I'm genuinely anxious for his first real engagement in the internet world.

 

[Bigga]

Sounds great in principal, but when I was 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 at school, I was the little skinny kid and hitting a bully back would have meant a bloody good hammering.

I understand EXACTLY what you mean!

My experience of this was tempered by a man in his forties to fifties beating me up from my being two to thirteen years old, so when he passed I decided enough was enough and no one would ever do that to me again. A really good example of this was deciding to be a 'guardian' to the bullied at school. I'd protect the quiet ones, the effeminate ones and the geeks if I saw they were being picked on and took on my own battles with the older brothers of school kn*bheads(the battle of the back seat at the top of the bus being a classic! I kept returning to the same spot! LOL!).

It hardened me like fook, so much so that I went down the 'rabbit hole'.

I'd like to think I never bullied anyone, but I'm sure I hovered on that threshold, here and there, given the lifestyle I fell into.

 

[TueartsOHK]

For those of us who are in the fifties or even younger I find cyber bullying hard to comprehend. I don’t understand why they can’t just switch the device off or change forums if their life has become so miserable from these sadistic twats. It’s clearly not that easy and I’m from a different generation

 

[laughing gravy]

I understand EXACTLY what you mean!

My experience of this was tempered by a man in his forties to fifties beating me up from my being two to thirteen years old, so when he passed I decided enough was enough and no one would ever do that to me again. A really good example of this was deciding to be a 'guardian' to the bullied at school. I'd protect the quiet ones, the effeminate ones and the geeks if I saw they were being picked on and took on my own battles with the older brothers of school kn*bheads(the battle of the back seat at the top of the bus being a classic! I kept returning to the same spot! LOL!).

It hardened me like fook, so much so that I went down the 'rabbit hole'.

I'd like to think I never bullied anyone, but I'm sure I hovered on that threshold, here and there, given the lifestyle I fell into.

bigga me too mate i was brought up in the 60s and my dad did not spare the rod ,i got beat with fists feet,steel dog chains and the rubber pipes off a washing machine it got to the stage were when he hit me i laughed at him as he punched me,they didnt hurt anymore and it made me very tough,i did many a hard lad in school,and like you stood up for others and could never be a bully,to my late father i say thanks dad for making me who i am today,

 

[Essex blue]

Trouble is most here have no idea how school life has changed.

20 years ago our mobile phones were just phones and the internet was the good old dial up.

Society has changed with social media and the kids too. Xbox and playstations etc have changed some of our kids.

Kids are now roaming around in gangs and a few carry knives and don’t need much excise to use them, maybe just a glance and that is deemed disrespectful.

We had gangs in my day, i was a skin head but today it’s on a different level and I worry for our kids. A simple punch up doesn’t always end there unfortunately.

 

[SWPISHOME]

I would hate to be a youth growing up in today's society, So many different ways of bullying now compared to years back when there was no real mention of social media. The only time I'd see bullying years back is in school (I'm 32 by the way)...Now there is social media everywhere, group chats ect
One thing I can't stand is bullies, Love seen them getting karma.

 

[KingCarlito]

I must admit, my thoughts have turned to this subject as my son gets older.

He asked me 2 nights ago about if he can have a phones as all his friends have one. He's nine.

I told him 'no' for the simple reason that he doesn't need one yet and I'm trying protect him from the nonsense of social media.

"But I want to talk to my friends", he said.

"That's fair enough", I replied"But you'll see your friends in 2 weeks and you'll have lots to catch up on, then!"

He asked what if he wants to text me, at some point & I said you shouldn't be texting me at school or he'd be with his mother and to use her phone!

He's curious about social media and we'll probably end up in rows over it, but I pointed out his mother that she engages in the FB type of media, so she'll have to warn him of the potential pit falls. I think I want to teach him about all the potential negatives and how it can be dealt with, so he's armed, than enter a world without knowledge and be powerless. He'll have a phone at about eleven, I think.

It's a small thing, but extremely dangerous, social media and I'm genuinely anxious for his first real engagement in the internet world.

Definitely getting worse with social media, and I also believe parenting is getting worse as a kid will follow what it's parents do. So if their parent is glued to social media and talking about it all the time and arguing over it, then they want to do the exact same. You are definitely doing the right thing by not allowing him to have a phone til he's at least in high school, and also speaking about and monitoring what he's using.

A great option is getting your kids into boxing or martial arts at a young age. It builds discipline and self defence. I was quite a small child, athletic due to the amount of sports I played, but couldn't fight my way out of a wet paper bag til I started kickboxing at 9. Gave some much bigger kids a pasting when they laid hands on me or my mates. They teach you not to use it outside of the gym, unless it's self defence. My dad didn't want us competing, but we got to a decent level and trained three times a week. We were under strict orders not to tell other kids at school we fought by my dad, so they didn't try it on. I remember a supposed mate when I was about 12, wiping dirt all over my new coat and then bumped me in a corridor, he'd been trying to shove me around a few times and belittle me. Must have been a sight when this little kid landed a flush uppercut on this 6 foot kid, he never did it again, nor did he speak to me again for about 5 years out of fear.

 

[SuperstarNeilC]

This Girl Was Getting Bullied. How These People Reacted Will Amaze You

 

[peoffrey]

I’ve had it at school, work and even in circles of friends where one decides they don’t want me around. People can be cunts. Sometimes I’ve retaliated and sometimes I’ve walked away.

What frightens me the most is what I can be capable of when I lose it in a fit of rage. Someone made a comment I didn’t like in a bar once and I ended up smashing a bottle in half to threaten him. A friend rugby tackled me to the floor before I was dragged outside. It took me hours to calm down about it and I shudder what I might have done had interference not happened. I just got a stunned “Why did you take that personally?” from my mate.

I put it down to the name calling, threats and violence I’ve received from haters. Defence syndrome. I’ve been an easy target for my size, being a nerd etc. I can snap easily.

 

[SVP]

I’ve had it at school, work and even in circles of friends where one decides they don’t want me around. People can be cunts. Sometimes I’ve retaliated and sometimes I’ve walked away.

What frightens me the most is what I can be capable of when I lose it in a fit of rage. Someone made a comment I didn’t like in a bar once and I ended up smashing a bottle in half to threaten him. A friend rugby tackled me to the floor before I was dragged outside. It took me hours to calm down about it and I shudder what I might have done had interference not happened. I just got a stunned “Why did you take that personally?” from my mate.

I put it down to the name calling, threats and violence I’ve received from haters. Defence syndrome. I’ve been an easy target for my size, being a nerd etc. I can snap easily.[/

I’ve had it at school, work and even in circles of friends where one decides they don’t want me around. People can be cunts. Sometimes I’ve retaliated and sometimes I’ve walked away.

What frightens me the most is what I can be capable of when I lose it in a fit of rage. Someone made a comment I didn’t like in a bar once and I ended up smashing a bottle in half to threaten him. A friend rugby tackled me to the floor before I was dragged outside. It took me hours to calm down about it and I shudder what I might have done had interference not happened. I just got a stunned “Why did you take that personally?” from my mate.

I put it down to the name calling, threats and violence I’ve received from haters. Defence syndrome. I’ve been an easy target for my size, being a nerd etc. I can snap easily.

yeah people can be cunts-especially ones who smash bottles to threaten other people

 

[Ban-jani]

For those of us who are in the fifties or even younger I find cyber bullying hard to comprehend. I don’t understand why they can’t just switch the device off or change forums if their life has become so miserable from these sadistic twats. It’s clearly not that easy and I’m from a different generation

Basically you can’t get away from it even if you log off or come off social media completely.

You end up hearing from someone that x person was all over the group chat saying this stuff about you and x people were talking about it on Facebook etc.

Once you log off it continues without you being there and you find out at a later time from someone who was online.

Having spoken to a kid it happened to, my mates kid brother, it hurts more when you can’t even respond but if you log back in they try and tear you to pieces.

That’s why it’s inescapable really, unless you never go online and move areas so you don’t bump into people, but kids can’t make that decision.

 

[SuperstarNeilC]

Basically you can’t get away from it even if you log off or come off social media completely.

You end up hearing from someone that x person was all over the group chat saying this stuff about you and x people were talking about it on Facebook etc.

Once you log off it continues without you being there and you find out at a later time from someone who was online.

Having spoken to a kid it happened to, my mates kid brother, it hurts more when you can’t even respond but if you log back in they try and tear you to pieces.

That’s why it’s inescapable really, unless you never go online and move areas so you don’t bump into people, but kids can’t make that decision.

One can go online, but stay away from social media. Message boards with moderators, like this one, are fine. Also you can comment to videos on YouTube, with a username your bullies aren’t aware of. I think the main problem is Facebook.

 

[Ban-jani]

One can go online, but stay away from social media. Message boards with moderators, like this one, are fine. Also you can comment to videos on YouTube, with a username your bullies aren’t aware of. I think the main problem is Facebook.

Yes and group chats.

 

[SuperstarNeilC]

I’m not big built, quite slim. And am a quiet personality, non-confrontational, quite gentle and polite in my mannerisms. Not a fighter. So, in 1977, when I began High School, I realised I had a problem. I became aware there were bullies, out to physically hurt people. And I realised they were weighing me up as a possible victim. They would keep their distance, but I could see them looking over at me and whispering to each other. I knew it would only be a matter of time before they cornered me somewhere, alone.

Because bullies are cowards, and always target the weaker individuals, the only way out of this dangerous predicament was to build myself up into a tough man, also, so they would leave me alone. My dad had some weights and a Bullworker, so I began working out regularly, and over a short time managed to pack on a bit of muscle. Also, I started to wear Doc Marten boots. And I cut my hair into a much shorter style. And learned a little Karate. This was from 11-years-old.

Basically, I transformed myself into a “hard man”. It was the only way I was going to survive five years of senior school. I had to adopt a tough guy persona, and that lasted decades. Because I took on this iron persona, it became my normal self, my everyday self, and I lost the person I really was. The real me is quick to smile and laugh, helpful and caring, kind and considerate, likes to curl up with a good book. But because my only way to survive was to become brusque and aggressive, that took over as my primary personality.

And it’s a horrible way to live, as the “Hard Man”. I’m 53 now, and only now am I shedding that heavy battered iron armour of Survival. Only now, after half a Century, is the nice gentle little boy, that I once was, coming, tentatively, back to the fore.

God-damn, I’ve lost my train of thought. I’ll just end by saying that it’s a terrible thing for a happy, innocent young child, to have to transition, suddenly, into “Knuckles Malone Prize Fighter” simply to survive school, “the best years of your life”.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

I’m not big built, quite slim. And am a quiet personality, non-confrontational, quite gentle and polite in my mannerisms. Not a fighter. So, in 1977, when I began High School, I realised I had a problem. I became aware there were bullies, out to physically hurt people. And I realised they were weighing me up as a possible victim. They would keep their distance, but I could see them looking over at me and whispering to each other. I knew it would only be a matter of time before they cornered me somewhere, alone.

Because bullies are cowards, and always target the weaker individuals, the only way out of this dangerous predicament was to build myself up into a tough man, also, so they would leave me alone. My dad had some weights and a Bullworker, so I began working out regularly, and over a short time managed to pack on a bit of muscle. Also, I started to wear Doc Marten boots. And I cut my hair into a much shorter style. And learned a little Karate. This was from 11-years-old.

Basically, I transformed myself into a “hard man”. It was the only way I was going to survive five years of senior school. I had to adopt a tough guy persona, and that lasted decades. Because I took on this iron persona, it became my normal self, my everyday self, and I lost the person I really was. The real me is quick to smile and laugh, helpful and caring, kind and considerate, likes to curl up with a good book. But because my only way to survive was to become brusque and aggressive, that took over as my primary personality.

And it’s a horrible way to live, as the “Hard Man”. I’m 53 now, and only now am I shedding that heavy battered iron armour of Survival. Only now, after half a Century, is the nice gentle little boy, that I once was, coming, tentatively, back to the fore.

God-damn, I’ve lost my train of thought. I’ll just end by saying that it’s a terrible thing for a happy, innocent young child, to have to transition, suddenly, into “Knuckles Malone Prize Fighter” simply to survive school, “the best years of your life”.

You are not the Hawk from Cobra Kai are you? :-)

 

[AliBobbyJ]

I’m not big built, quite slim. And am a quiet personality, non-confrontational, quite gentle and polite in my mannerisms. Not a fighter. So, in 1977, when I began High School, I realised I had a problem. I became aware there were bullies, out to physically hurt people. And I realised they were weighing me up as a possible victim. They would keep their distance, but I could see them looking over at me and whispering to each other. I knew it would only be a matter of time before they cornered me somewhere, alone.

Because bullies are cowards, and always target the weaker individuals, the only way out of this dangerous predicament was to build myself up into a tough man, also, so they would leave me alone. My dad had some weights and a Bullworker, so I began working out regularly, and over a short time managed to pack on a bit of muscle. Also, I started to wear Doc Marten boots. And I cut my hair into a much shorter style. And learned a little Karate. This was from 11-years-old.

Basically, I transformed myself into a “hard man”. It was the only way I was going to survive five years of senior school. I had to adopt a tough guy persona, and that lasted decades. Because I took on this iron persona, it became my normal self, my everyday self, and I lost the person I really was. The real me is quick to smile and laugh, helpful and caring, kind and considerate, likes to curl up with a good book. But because my only way to survive was to become brusque and aggressive, that took over as my primary personality.

And it’s a horrible way to live, as the “Hard Man”. I’m 53 now, and only now am I shedding that heavy battered iron armour of Survival. Only now, after half a Century, is the nice gentle little boy, that I once was, coming, tentatively, back to the fore.

God-damn, I’ve lost my train of thought. I’ll just end by saying that it’s a terrible thing for a happy, innocent young child, to have to transition, suddenly, into “Knuckles Malone Prize Fighter” simply to survive school, “the best years of your life”.

Can take a long time to get to know oneself but sounds like you've done it.

 

[peoffrey]

yeah people can be cunts-especially ones who smash bottles to threaten other people

That’s kind of my point but never mind...

 

[dannyboy29]

I wasn't quite as hard as some people are on here. I was jumped by the same 3 lads on a couple of occasions and it was only after my dad saw blood I had forgot to wash out of the sink that he forced me to tell him what had gone on. I saw the lads a few times after that in and around where I lived and they never looked me in the eye or even made a step towards me.

I guess the moral of the story is if you are being bullied, tell someone, chances are they will help.

 

[Nebuchadnezzar]

I’ve had it at school, work and even in circles of friends where one decides they don’t want me around. People can be cunts. Sometimes I’ve retaliated and sometimes I’ve walked away.

What frightens me the most is what I can be capable of when I lose it in a fit of rage. Someone made a comment I didn’t like in a bar once and I ended up smashing a bottle in half to threaten him. A friend rugby tackled me to the floor before I was dragged outside. It took me hours to calm down about it and I shudder what I might have done had interference not happened. I just got a stunned “Why did you take that personally?” from my mate.

I put it down to the name calling, threats and violence I’ve received from haters. Defence syndrome. I’ve been an easy target for my size, being a nerd etc. I can snap easily.

Sorry, i've waited too long to use that with context....

 

[blue by birth]

Manchester is full of confrontational, argumentative, arrogant, snide bullies. Always has been. Look at the traditional scally culture. I knew some awful people during a spell there.

Is it only Manchester that's full of bullies?
Most of the people I know in Manchester are great people and I've lived in some of the rough areas ..
Lots of pricks and bullies in most towns and cities