Walking through the local park yesterday and this fucking massive dog, off its lead (despite a sign every 20 yards requiring your dog to be on a lead) sprints towards me then starts jumping up, obviously pretty friendly but covering me in mud and slobber. Cue two gormless middle-aged halfwits ambling round the corner. ‘Don’t worry, Monty won’t hurt you’ she bubblegums as their mutt continues to jump up. ‘Can he do my fucking laundry?’ I answered, which got us into the predictable argument because a number of dog owners are utterly blind to the shitty behaviour of their animal and the impact it might have on other people. Newsflash - I don’t love your sodding dog!