Dementia

That really was a difficult day for you and sounds like she’s deteriorated a lot since you last took her. How was she during the match? You’ve done such a good thing today, hopefully taking her has stimulated so many happy times that the two of you have shared.
If you need help walking from Asda I’m there each home game and v willing to assist.
Wishing you all the best
 
kippaxkid74 said:
Had a horrible day today, one that made me cry so much.

So managed to get mum to the match for the first time since October - in our season ticket seats (other matches i'd had to go on my own or take my son).

I'd been ill since new years day so hadn't seen my mum since then, my sister said to just get round there early enough to sort her handbag out and get her ready. So i did, got her bag packed, made the mistake of leaving her heart spray and inhalers on the table saying for her to put them in while i went upstairs.
Came down to see the handbag was now full of 2 heart sprays, 4 inhalers, a pair of socks, a 1992 diary, and 2 unopened pouches of cat food.
I mean what if i hadn't looked and that is what we then took to city?
And then i saw it wasn't even the same handbag, the one i'd packed was now on the floor and the similar looking one was what she'd packed.
Cue her snapping that she needs all that and that the diary is this years and has the district nurse no's in for her leg ulcers. Other than it being 31 years old i checked and there was no numbers in.
So i sorted it, tried to calm her, went to the loo for a cry, and then we got in the car - my partner and our little boy drove us there (they then come home, then drive back at full time to pick us up. Not ideal, we used to us ethe tram but obviously since covid and her mobility we do this).

Problem being we get out of the car at asda mcdonalds car park, all we have to do is cross the road and across the gravel car park to the east stand. But it took 25 minutes to get to even the outer fence, as i knew she couldn't walk well but it was new to me that even with 2 crutches she was pin steps with her head down almost doubled over and tottering.
Then outside the car park fence she is hunched over, pleading that she cant go in, she wants to go home, im to get them back to take her home, shes in too much pain, her neck cant move, she cant walk. Also i'm told not to renew the seaosn tickets.

Not knowing what to do, but seeing the tears and the pain and the way it had took 25 minutes to walk something that would take me 3 minutes, i rang them and they headed back. I sat her at a bus stop. Strangers stopped to ask if she was ok, as i looked like i was giving elder abuse probably (my sister always says people will think that when she gets all upset and rants about us) . But then mum started pleading that im making her go home, that she wants to go to the match and im sending her home cos shes too slow. Which is not true.
By this point even im crying that no mum you said, you said, and i believed you. And i rang my sister who ranted at me for getting them to come back, she ranted at me how could i be sending her home did i not want her there. Its like OF COURSE i want her there, i've been trying to get her back since October.

Then my other half pulls up at the bus stop, and mum wont get in, then she does get in but wont shut the door, my son is crying, my partner is moaning about bus stop fines, and im just like mum what is happening. And after what seems like an eternity she got out, they drove off, we staggered across the gravel car park and went in.

She collapsed into her seat, while i cried to myself a lot that is this it... the first match we ever went to together in 1985 was Villa, is this how it ends, is this the end?

Full time, took forever to get up the steps, theyd locked up by the time we'd done in the loo, and it took 40 minutes to get from east stand to asda car park via the gravel car park and and mcdonalds path, and thats not her fault she cant walk, but i was holding her arm and shes doubled over and falling back and forward pleading with me are we there yet is this his car, and im like no mum this is still citys car park the statues are right behind us.

We eventually got to the car. She slept in the back, i cried in the front, i settled her in at home and my sister is there now, and my son is playing up and i just want to die.

City steward said we could take her in a wheelchair to the entrance and leave it at door D til after the match, but mum wont, shes adamant she wont. So is this it. I really wanted the newcastle match, she's 80 that week. But i can't face that again right now, ive just had enough, i cant cope.

i know the dementia thread is probably the wrong place to have another moan, but i can't.. last night near midnight she rang me saying what time am i comiing shes ready with her shoes on for the match - i had to say no mum its tomorrow, its midnight now. She sitll thinks shes magically in a house that looks just like hers but isnt, and i just cant do it. Not while being ill, having a naughty 6 year old, his school down my neck, and just wanting to stand on a deserted beach on my own and breathe and scream. Can i scream. I want to.

i love my mum. i love her. shes my world. today was the worst day ive ever had with my mum. i love her. oh how i love her.
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It’s good you posted on here Blue.
It’s fucking awful dementia.
I know dealt with it with my mum in law and now a cousin who we have POA for.
Being able to vent will help with your mental health.
Stay strong Blue.
 
kippax_blueboy said:
My dad is 6 years with Dementia it is hard for him and the family. My mum lives with it 24/7 and it is hard.
My dad has no real conversation or any affection for my mum.
She gets very upset and down my dad has no short term memory.
Click to expand...
This where I'm at with my Dad, its not good. Mum & Dad are both 82 and its really hard to know what to do.
Dad took me to Maine Rd back in 70 when i was 6, sat on his shoulders in the Kippax and we beat West Ham 2-0, but when we reached the CL Final he didn't even know we were in it, Sky News was on the day after Chelsea had qualified to play us and my dad was shouting at the tv saying they've got to get past Real Madrid first, so I said "they won last night dad, they're in the final" so he said "are they, who against", that's when it sank in what was going on.
All the other stories on here from Kippaxkid74 and the others are so hard to read, it is horrible to watch your parents deteriorate in front of your very eyes.
On top of the Alzheimers he's suffering from Anaemia and had to have the joys of a colonoscopy, which is to be followed by an endoscopy once they get the appointments right, which is another story on its own.
So I feel for the OP, and can only say keep coming on here and speaking to as many people as you can, and try and keep smiling bud. Big hugs to you all.
Cheers

CTID
 
Just read this thread as next week I'm going to stay at a friends house from Monday to Thursday while she has a few days respite from looking after her husband who suffers from/with? dementia. He's mid 70s and I see him every week when I visit, he knows me and seems comfortable in my company. There will be other family members around but they have work (from home) commitments and cannot keep a constant eye on him, so my role will be like an anchor point, to spend the time with him, make sure he eats his meals, takes his meds etc.
I won't be expected to cover any personal care, a professional will come each morning and get him showered and dressed.
I am apprehensive over it but I want to help out my friend in any way I can, she needs a break and I've got the time, so offering to go and stay was no problem.
I have spent a full day with him recently and there were no problems at all, he often hums tunes or sings, so I stuck a few tunes on that I thought he'd know and he sang, whistled, hummed and even conducted the orchestra for around a dozen tunes, so I know that will be something I can engage him with while I'm staying there.
If things go well I am going to tell her to book a few days away every month and I'll step in, she's a true friend and I think anyone who is caring for a loved one in the way she does needs a break, there's not a chance she will let him go into temporary care as she feels he will be distressed and that would mean she would not benefit in any way from the break because she would be worrying about him.

@kippaxkid74 so sorry you had such an awful time yesterday, hope you're feeling better today.
 
HypnoticBlue said:
This where I'm at with my Dad, its not good. Mum & Dad are both 82 and its really hard to know what to do.
Dad took me to Maine Rd back in 70 when i was 6, sat on his shoulders in the Kippax and we beat West Ham 2-0, but when we reached the CL Final he didn't even know we were in it, Sky News was on the day after Chelsea had qualified to play us and my dad was shouting at the tv saying they've got to get past Real Madrid first, so I said "they won last night dad, they're in the final" so he said "are they, who against", that's when it sank in what was going on.
All the other stories on here from Kippaxkid74 and the others are so hard to read, it is horrible to watch your parents deteriorate in front of your very eyes.
On top of the Alzheimers he's suffering from Anaemia and had to have the joys of a colonoscopy, which is to be followed by an endoscopy once they get the appointments right, which is another story on its own.
So I feel for the OP, and can only say keep coming on here and speaking to as many people as you can, and try and keep smiling bud. Big hugs to you all.
Cheers

CTID
Click to expand...
It is difficult to know what to do. None of us have lived through this before. The previous generation were all ded before they reached an age dementia kicked in. Mum and dad moved to sheltered housing and that helps a bit because there are others with dementia and my mum has lots of people to speak to.
My dad is 85, I was taken to Maine Road by him when I was 5 in 1970. I have been going ever since though we did go to the Swamp, Stockport, Bury, Bolton, Rochdale, etc as weel but I chose the Blues. My dad was so supportive through my childhood, school and early work. It;s heartbreaking to see him suffer and the suffering he can't help but bring on my mum. My sister moved closer to them to help and he does go to day centres 3 times a week. You ask him about the day and he can't remember. The best thing to do is to keep the sufferers calm. If they get anxious they can get angry, they can walk out. My dad even drove the car 4 miles before the police pulled him over. He couldn't remember that he had no driving license or where he lived.
 
kippax_blueboy said:
My dad is 6 years with Dementia it is hard for him and the family. My mum lives with it 24/7 and it is hard.
My dad has no real conversation or any affection for my mum.
She gets very upset and down my dad has no short term memory.
Click to expand...
I can resonate with this. We've moved my in-laws in with us - 79 & 82, don't drive and were becoming increasingly isolated. The old man has mild dementia and we can sense a slight deterioration in the last year. Weird as fuck, as he can remember things from 60 years ago, yet we can be watching a game and he will ask me the same question several times over the course of 90 minutes. He's nowhere near how you describe above.
Horrible disease, and I feel for anyone having to cope/care for anyone where they've taken a serious turn for the worse.
 
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