Dementia

[aguero93:20]

My thoughts are with you all.
I've been through this with my grandad's brother, my (great) uncle John.
A very fit man, worked hard all his life as a road worker.
Even when he retired he'd walk the dog 8-10 miles a day, rain or shine.
Then out of the blue It all started with a stroke, which the doctors seem to think brought on the dementia.
The dementia took hold rather quickly, ending with him going into a home after he nearly burned down the house after forgetting he'd put the chip pan on.
If it hadn't been for my grandad the house would have definitely gone up.
At first it wasn't too bad visiting him, he'd forget little bits and pieces but he'd still be his loveable funny self.
That soon changed, it started with him forgetting our names, then quickly that confused look cos he had absolutely no idea who we were.
Heartbreaking.
Then he got cancer, poor bloke couldn't catch a break.
Then we all finally get the inevitable phone call "you need to get to the hospital now he's not got long"
This is where things got a little weird.
We get there and he can barely breathe, barely talk, still had no idea who we were.
My mum is sat holding his hand, talking to him and telling us what he's saying as we're all stood at the bottom area of the bed and cannot hear him cos he can barely speak.
Then it was like someone flicked a switch, his breathing returned to normal, he started speaking perfectly and his memory came back, all of it.
We spent about half talking, saying our goodbyes and then he peacefully passed away.
It was weird, beautiful and sad all at the same time.
To this day none of us can explain what happened in that hospital room, but we're glad it did.

Same as earlier, all the love in the world for you blue.

 

[kippaxkid74]

This evening with my mum has broken me. I didn't realise we were at this point. She rang me absolutely terrified " I'm in that other house again and it's like my house but it's not mine and I'm scared I don't understand why am I in this house, why are you not here you live here get here (I don't live there, I have a 6 year old son).

The fear in her voice. I said stay there in coming. I rang my sister, who screamed at me she was busy with work, so I went round but I was delayed as my 6 year old could see my distress and put his shoes on and blocked the door and tried to go with me. I kept explaining he can't, cue screams for the neighbours to hear and me feeling bad as his daddy stopped him coming. But when I got round (5 min walk away, but it had took me 15 minutes to get past my son) she was fine - my sister had rung, despite snapping at me she couldn't. So I stay with mum, who did get flustered still and said it's ok she knows where she is niow, she's in that 2nd house she had. I gently said no mum, this is the only house. I felt broken. I don't know the future. My sister turned up and also started picking at me so I had to go but she then spent the rest of the night texting me the nastiest shit going (my sister not my mum).

I'm 48 next week, 6 year old son who has problems, I have numbness in my legs and feet come and go with spinal stenosis, I'm on hrt which makes me feel like killing everyone for one week of four then crying the rest. I vowed to give my son a good xmas. And it's all a mess.
Mum has been dropping off all year, mainly in the nasty snappy personality change. But for months she's had problems with time, the last 3 weeks deeply. Shed ring me at midnight and say what are we doing today she's just got up. Or she goes and takes the bins out at 3am.She thinks 5pm is 5am. She gets angry and defensive if you question it.

But she lives on her own. My sister snarled that me, my opartner, and my son should move in. I can't uproot rhem. I need to help my mum. Mum is my world. Oh fuck im so depressed. I can't do any of this. I'm ruining my sons life.

Mum sounded so scared. I've never heard her like that. Ever.

I love her so much. Me and mum. Kippax bbl 51+52 and East 102. Oh mum. I need my mum.

And I'm just venting, I'm not likely to check back in :(

 

[mexico1970]

This evening with my mum has broken me. I didn't realise we were at this point. She rang me absolutely terrified " I'm in that other house again and it's like my house but it's not mine and I'm scared I don't understand why am I in this house, why are you not here you live here get here (I don't live there, I have a 6 year old son).

The fear in her voice. I said stay there in coming. I rang my sister, who screamed at me she was busy with work, so I went round but I was delayed as my 6 year old could see my distress and put his shoes on and blocked the door and tried to go with me. I kept explaining he can't, cue screams for the neighbours to hear and me feeling bad as his daddy stopped him coming. But when I got round (5 min walk away, but it had took me 15 minutes to get past my son) she was fine - my sister had rung, despite snapping at me she couldn't. So I stay with mum, who did get flustered still and said it's ok she knows where she is niow, she's in that 2nd house she had. I gently said no mum, this is the only house. I felt broken. I don't know the future. My sister turned up and also started picking at me so I had to go but she then spent the rest of the night texting me the nastiest shit going (my sister not my mum).

I'm 48 next week, 6 year old son who has problems, I have numbness in my legs and feet come and go with spinal stenosis, I'm on hrt which makes me feel like killing everyone for one week of four then crying the rest. I vowed to give my son a good xmas. And it's all a mess.
Mum has been dropping off all year, mainly in the nasty snappy personality change. But for months she's had problems with time, the last 3 weeks deeply. Shed ring me at midnight and say what are we doing today she's just got up. Or she goes and takes the bins out at 3am.She thinks 5pm is 5am. She gets angry and defensive if you question it.

But she lives on her own. My sister snarled that me, my opartner, and my son should move in. I can't uproot rhem. I need to help my mum. Mum is my world. Oh fuck im so depressed. I can't do any of this. I'm ruining my sons life.

Mum sounded so scared. I've never heard her like that. Ever.

I love her so much. Me and mum. Kippax bbl 51+52 and East 102. Oh mum. I need my mum.

And I'm just venting, I'm not likely to check back in :(

Times like this can break families and even though your sister may initially sound selfish people get scared when they can't handle something as big as this, and yes it's big.

Your Mum needs the help that you can't give her, believe me I have been there. Doctors and any heath organisation that will listen, and DON'T feel guilty mate this is a very tough thing to go through for anybody.

 

[aguero93:20]

This evening with my mum has broken me. I didn't realise we were at this point. She rang me absolutely terrified " I'm in that other house again and it's like my house but it's not mine and I'm scared I don't understand why am I in this house, why are you not here you live here get here (I don't live there, I have a 6 year old son).

The fear in her voice. I said stay there in coming. I rang my sister, who screamed at me she was busy with work, so I went round but I was delayed as my 6 year old could see my distress and put his shoes on and blocked the door and tried to go with me. I kept explaining he can't, cue screams for the neighbours to hear and me feeling bad as his daddy stopped him coming. But when I got round (5 min walk away, but it had took me 15 minutes to get past my son) she was fine - my sister had rung, despite snapping at me she couldn't. So I stay with mum, who did get flustered still and said it's ok she knows where she is niow, she's in that 2nd house she had. I gently said no mum, this is the only house. I felt broken. I don't know the future. My sister turned up and also started picking at me so I had to go but she then spent the rest of the night texting me the nastiest shit going (my sister not my mum).

I'm 48 next week, 6 year old son who has problems, I have numbness in my legs and feet come and go with spinal stenosis, I'm on hrt which makes me feel like killing everyone for one week of four then crying the rest. I vowed to give my son a good xmas. And it's all a mess.
Mum has been dropping off all year, mainly in the nasty snappy personality change. But for months she's had problems with time, the last 3 weeks deeply. Shed ring me at midnight and say what are we doing today she's just got up. Or she goes and takes the bins out at 3am.She thinks 5pm is 5am. She gets angry and defensive if you question it.

But she lives on her own. My sister snarled that me, my opartner, and my son should move in. I can't uproot rhem. I need to help my mum. Mum is my world. Oh fuck im so depressed. I can't do any of this. I'm ruining my sons life.

Mum sounded so scared. I've never heard her like that. Ever.

I love her so much. Me and mum. Kippax bbl 51+52 and East 102. Oh mum. I need my mum.

And I'm just venting, I'm not likely to check back in :(

Any time you need to vent, feel free to pm me and if you want to talk offsite I'll give you my WhatsApp.

 

[kippaxkid74]

Thanks you two. I don't have WhatsApp, but I'll try to check in here every so often. Mums gp surgery is a nightmare, getting her any appt is a battle, and then she acts all fine and jolly and under does the physical pain she's in (they don't let anyone else in with her.... Which isn't helping) (I got to sit outside the room last time but could hear her through the door).
Mum denies there's any problem, which is if course part of the problem. But I've just been so upset, I love her, she's been my best friend. And it's all awful. I feel selfish too for being so upset rather than just focussing on mum..

I thought this was it tonight - that she'd end up in hospital... I remember watching out of the upstairs window about 10 years ago when our lovely 90 year old neighbour who I'd known all my life was put into an ambulance by her son saying the defensive confused words of "what are you doing, I want to go home, I want to go home". She never came home... I can still hear her saying that now. We accidentally saw it late at night when about to shut the curtains, and we sat on the edge of the bed watching that formally vibrant intelligent woman leave her home of the last 60 years for the final time... We sat in silence and cried.

And tonight, I thought it was going to happen to my mum. I'm so scared...

going to try and get some sleep now.

 

[aguero93:20]

Thanks you two. I don't have WhatsApp, but I'll try to check in here every so often. Mums gp surgery is a nightmare, getting her any appt is a battle, and then she acts all fine and jolly and under does the physical pain she's in (they don't let anyone else in with her.... Which isn't helping) (I got to sit outside the room last time but could hear her through the door).
Mum denies there's any problem, which is if course part of the problem. But I've just been so upset, I love her, she's been my best friend. And it's all awful. I feel selfish too for being so upset rather than just focussing on mum..

going to try and get some sleep now.

Talk tomorrow

 

[crublue1]

This evening with my mum has broken me. I didn't realise we were at this point. She rang me absolutely terrified " I'm in that other house again and it's like my house but it's not mine and I'm scared I don't understand why am I in this house, why are you not here you live here get here (I don't live there, I have a 6 year old son).

The fear in her voice. I said stay there in coming. I rang my sister, who screamed at me she was busy with work, so I went round but I was delayed as my 6 year old could see my distress and put his shoes on and blocked the door and tried to go with me. I kept explaining he can't, cue screams for the neighbours to hear and me feeling bad as his daddy stopped him coming. But when I got round (5 min walk away, but it had took me 15 minutes to get past my son) she was fine - my sister had rung, despite snapping at me she couldn't. So I stay with mum, who did get flustered still and said it's ok she knows where she is niow, she's in that 2nd house she had. I gently said no mum, this is the only house. I felt broken. I don't know the future. My sister turned up and also started picking at me so I had to go but she then spent the rest of the night texting me the nastiest shit going (my sister not my mum).

I'm 48 next week, 6 year old son who has problems, I have numbness in my legs and feet come and go with spinal stenosis, I'm on hrt which makes me feel like killing everyone for one week of four then crying the rest. I vowed to give my son a good xmas. And it's all a mess.
Mum has been dropping off all year, mainly in the nasty snappy personality change. But for months she's had problems with time, the last 3 weeks deeply. Shed ring me at midnight and say what are we doing today she's just got up. Or she goes and takes the bins out at 3am.She thinks 5pm is 5am. She gets angry and defensive if you question it.

But she lives on her own. My sister snarled that me, my opartner, and my son should move in. I can't uproot rhem. I need to help my mum. Mum is my world. Oh fuck im so depressed. I can't do any of this. I'm ruining my sons life.

Mum sounded so scared. I've never heard her like that. Ever.

I love her so much. Me and mum. Kippax bbl 51+52 and East 102. Oh mum. I need my mum.

And I'm just venting, I'm not likely to check back in :(

I've been through all this and more mate. You might not believe it, as its a fucking shocker when you actually experience it, but you soon find out it's not uncommon what you're going through, for many reasons people tend to keep it to themselves.
This is a bad thing, in my eyes, do not surpress your feelings, tell every fucker, and more often than not they are either experiencing it themselves or know someone who is.
Dementia is our silent killer, the one they would have us not talk about.
There are thousands of people across the country, who feel your pain, have seen what you've seen, who know what you're going through.
How do I know? Because I could have written your post word for word.
Please, don't hide, share on here, keep communicating, keep venting, keep sharing.
Stay strong mate.
Pm me if you need to chat, vent, talk bollocks, whatever, me, and a lot more fellow blues (or supporters of any other team it doesn't fucking matter) are here for you.
Do not hide away.

 

[crublue1]

I may have a little vent meself now, while I'm in the mood.. this post involves some dementia comedy, but only from a personal perspective. It's how I like to remember my dad, he wouldn't want me wallowing in grief or pity, he'd want me to remember him for all the good times we shared.
He's suffering now, but he has no idea how much I respect him for bringing me up like he did. looking back I wish I'd told him every time I saw him how much I loved him.
But you can't change things, I was young and foolish, you think life lasts forever, but it doesn't.
As I grew into my twenties, my dad was in his fifties, as I am now. We played golf and snooker every week. He played off 12, and he could play alright, he knew about game management before I'd even considered it. I don't think I ever beat him. I was off 15 or so but he'd always manage to sink a long putt or nail a long iron for a tap in birdie to win.
We went clay pigeon shooting once, and yep, despite his limited knowledge of shotguns, and shooting, and clay pigeon shooting, he shot the fucking lot. Even them little roller ones that scoot across the ground.
He taught me to swim, took him 5 mins. I've nearly drowned several times, cheers dad, doggy paddle doesn't cut it.
Youngest ever conscript to be given a stripe, and the quickest to have it rescinded.
He took a military vehicle to the chippy for to get some proper food for the lads and back at checkpoint they opened the bonnet to find bags of fish and chips keeping warm.
Court marshalled lol.
He's also got a trophy for the best shot but he was a private then.
He's a bit like me really, take things seriously when you need to, but apart from that, who actually cares. Look after your loved ones, tell people that you love that you love them.

 

[Cassandra]

“Look after your loved ones, tell people that you love that you love them” That sums up the best advice I can think of, perhaps adding that you should remember that you too are loved.

 

[kippaxkid74]

Mum did it again tonight, 11pm Christmas day, my sister was about to go home (she'd been there all day. Me, my son and his daddy were there for 4 hours in the afternoon - she'd seemed ok, her usual ok but a bit off or distant gaze at times).

my sister says 11pm Mum started crying panicky that she wanted to go home (she was home), that it's not her house. And to make it harder she named the house she wanted to get to and she said the correct address, i.e. this one, shes lived in for 48 years, she didn't say her childhood address or anything like that. My sister calmed her down, stayed longer, but then went at midnight and rang me. And me being me ie easily upset and worried, I rang mum, doing my disguise chat of just chatting normally, and my mum said she watched telly at my sister's tonight. I said no you haven't been out you were at home, and then she quoted the same line of the address being round the corner.

so it was Xmas day and I'm losing mum. It was hard today, my 6 year old is very problematic right now and didn't want to go round, and then was rowdy and disruptive whilst at my mums, and I tried to focus on being with mum on Xmas day and trying to calm him and give him a childhood xmas. And we came home, and I just about cheered myself up and played games with him and things.

But then my sister shared the news, and it's brought me back down. She also snapped at me and put the phone down (my sister) that I'm not going to mums tomorrow I was staying in to try and help the problems here in my own home. So she's bitter as if she's doing it all for mum and I'm not, but I do it too, I just can't tomorrow. I promised id stay in.

it's all not f air. I'm really not coping. My 6 year old son has a two week referal for a lump in his neck that we're waiting for the hosp appt, and also been so so badly behaved for a month that a day out last week was absolute hell and when we got home I just sat in the toilet crying for as long as I could while my other half did his tea.I

But yeah, just needed to bedtime vent that just as I hoped I could have a Xmas day pretending in my head it was ok and I could remember being the little girl with my mummy, mum did the "it's not my house" thing again.