Dementia

100 miles walking olin May for Parkinson's completed, donation made. My other half to complete her's today and then will add up total. It's in aid of her mother who's in care home with Parkinson's dementia
 
On a side re her mother. We thought social services were paying the care home fees as has nothing since January, no bills or invoices. They rang and emailed my other half yesterday we owe them roughly £10k for 6 months and sent list of care homes the mother can move to. Deadline of Monday.

Told her to tell them that's not feasible as need to have family discussion then visit the care homes to find suitable one
 
ob said:
On a side re her mother. We thought social services were paying the care home fees as has nothing since January, no bills or invoices. They rang and emailed my other half yesterday we owe them roughly £10k for 6 months and sent list of care homes the mother can move to. Deadline of Monday.

Told her to tell them that's not feasible as need to have family discussion then visit the care homes to find suitable one
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We've had a similar situation, but for care workers to visit rather than care homes. Nothing for weeks, then a huge bill. It's impacted us hugely.

Financially of course, but probably worse is the mental impact, the guilt and stress my wife in particular is feeling, I'm watching it consume her little by little every day. Handling the carers, rushing round when something doesn't seem right, trying to still be a full time worker, mum and wife. Even though it is her mum who has the dementia it's still hugely impactful for everyone else.

Hope you get sorted. I don't think it's possible to truly understand the impact of this illness until you're in the middle of it.
 
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bluetonium said:
We've had a similar situation, but for care workers to visit rather than care homes. Nothing for weeks, then a huge bill. It's impacted us hugely.

Financially of course, but probably worse is the mental impact, the guilt and stress my wife in particular is feeling, I'm watching it consume her little by little every day. Handling the carers, rushing round when something doesn't seem right, trying to still be a full time worker, mum and wife. Even though it is her mum who has the dementia it's still hugely impactful for everyone else.

Hope you get sorted. I don't think it's possible to truly understand the impact of this illness until you're in the middle of it.
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Thanks mate we've been through mill in last year n bit. But always something just stopping us. We'd week in lakes last week with very little phone signal, I'd sorted out my sister's benefits issues, we'd sorted out her father's catheter issues. Thinking things starting to look ok n this
 
Hope everyone doing ok. My sister spent her backdated money on getting her bedroom decorated, new bed, wardrobes, carpet, curtains, etc. Can't remember last time she'd anything like this done. Our cousin did the decorating and a good friend who owns furniture company supplied everything. Sister was that bad that she couldn't remember who decorated. They did a video of her entering her room and she cried (so did I when I watched it).

Other side my partners dad was 90 last week and was her mum's birthday as well. Mum in care home with Parkinson's dementia so we'd a cream tea organised. She just cried and let out a moan for almost full 5 hours we were there. She's got a head massager thing and was quiet when my other half or me took turns using it. They tried a morphine patch for her pain and she took allergic reaction so her lips swoll up.

It's been a week of real real highs and real lows
 
My dad 86 has just gone into a care home. He has dementia and my mum has just passed. I really don't know if this is the right thing to do.
 
kippax_blueboy said:
My dad 86 has just gone into a care home. He has dementia and my mum has just passed. I really don't know if this is the right thing to do.
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I've just posted on another thread about the emotional toll on my partner who has spent the best part of nine years as the principal carer for both parents (not dementia related necessarily but relevant all the same). Speaking from experience, it has defined both our lives throughout that period. Given a choice (and with hindsight), I would recommend the care home option just so long as you're able to identify one that meets all the individual's needs. Alternatively, despite what some will tell you, local authority care provision in the home can be outstanding. That was certainly our experience with High Peak in the months leading up to her dad's passing just before Christmas. Whatever you choose, don't beat yourself up about it. Importantly, dementia adds another dimension that requires a greater level of expertise. It doesn't mean you love them any less by going down the care home route.
 
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Kippaxpete said:
I've just posted on another thread about the emotional toll on my partner who has spent the best part of nine years as the principal carer for both parents (not dementia related necessarily but relevant all the same). Speaking from experience, it has defined both our lives throughout that period. Given a choice (and with hindsight), I would recommend the care home option just so long as you're able to identify one that meets all the individual's needs. Alternatively, despite what some will tell you, local authority care provision in the home can be outstanding. That was certainly our experience with High Peak in the months leading up to her dad's passing just before Christmas. Whatever you choose, don't beat yourself up about it. Importantly, dementia adds another dimension that requires a greater level of expertise. It doesn't mean you love them any less by going down the care home route.
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Thanks for taking the time to respond. My mum and dad lived 40 miles from me for the last 40 years. My dad's care home is pleasant enough and the staff are lovely. I will see him on Sunday.
 
No cure yet , won't be any in our life times and way beyond but with more research we might have more effective ways of slowing down its progress including non medical intervention.

Love them for who they are , not what they have been or where you think they will end up.

Live in the present.

I have lost many relatives to dementia and will do again until I pass on , and its likely if I live long enough I will probably have brain shut down as well.
 
It got my Nana in the end. She was diagnosed in her early 70s, for a good 10 years she was ok, just progressively more forgetful but still largely “with it”.

She declined in her 80s and lived to be well into her 90s, though the last few years she didn’t know who anyone was bless her.

It’s an awful condition. My heart goes out to anyone with it, and anyone dealing with a loved one who has it.
 
Johnny Mars Bar said:
It got my Nana in the end. She was diagnosed in her early 70s, for a good 10 years she was ok, just progressively more forgetful but still largely “with it”.

She declined in her 80s and lived to be well into her 90s, though the last few years she didn’t know who anyone was bless her.

It’s an awful condition. My heart goes out to anyone with it, and anyone dealing with a loved one who has it.
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Cheers JMB , its tough on the loved ones caring for the affected , I have lost way too many in my life and will lose many more , we still don't know if its genetic but it has a long history in my family both immediate and extended.

Often you are just lost as to what to say, what to do and how to help but you start to appreciate the simple things like touching hands in a different way to when you courted someone.

As for the affected person how to begin , you believe they are going through despair and want it all to end as quickly as possible but do we really know what they are going through or simply feeling sorry for ourselves instead of cherishing them for what has become of them.
 
mancity111 said:
Cheers JMB , its tough on the loved ones caring for the affected , I have lost way too many in my life and will lose many more , we still don't know if its genetic but it has a long history in my family both immediate and extended.

Often you are just lost as to what to say, what to do and how to help but you start to appreciate the simple things like touching hands in a different way to when you courted someone.

As for the affected person how to begin , you believe they are going through despair and want it all to end as quickly as possible but do we really know what they are going through or simply feeling sorry for ourselves instead of cherishing them for what has become of them.
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The thing is with this life you never know what’ll happen. It’s an old cliche but you really could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Life is mental really, when you think about it.
 
Johnny Mars Bar said:
The thing is with this life you never know what’ll happen. It’s an old cliche but you really could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Life is mental really, when you think about it.
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Its a mystery JMB and the more we think we know about it the less we know about it at least that's my experience to date.

I really hope you don't get hit by a bus because even though I don't know you , I am grateful to still be able to read your posts and learn from them , I am getting to the age where I appreciate every day more and more because life is short and hope my children if nothing else learn from my mistakes and appreciate every waking moment far more so than I have.
 
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