metalblue
Well-Known Member
An accident you say? Hmmmmm
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Embarrassing moments in life
- Thread starter metalblue
- Start date
An accident you say? Hmmmmm
At a certain age, it is obligatory to have sex on the floor in someone else's house. Then standing up in the kitchen, on the dining room table, rolling around their lawn. Its best if you do these things on separate nights, with different women.Ermmm ... did you think the host had left too .. or did you think your partner was the host ... do you often have sex on the floor in someone else’s house?? So many questions ...
Also, you must puke on the carpet, drop a huge log which won't flush, and piss in a wardrobe.
Southbanken
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 3 Oct 2012
- Messages
- 450
Was living in a first floor flat with my Mrs. Our building was on the corner of a T junction with our quiet residential street facing onto Station Road, which was a relatively busy road in the Town we were living in. The Mrs and I had just had a big old row, can't remember what it was about, almost certainly something inane, she had gone out and I was heading out too.
I go downstairs and get into my car which is parked across the street from my flat, facing onto the main road. Just as I get ready to pull off I look up to the flat and notice that one of the windows is wide open. This is the kind of thing, that will lead to another massive row with the Mrs if I leave it open when we are both out, so being the dutiful boyfriend and desperately wanting to avoid another pointless shouting match, I get out of the car, go upstairs, close the window, come back downstairs, and just as I am closing the front door, I look across the road to see my car creeping forward. I hadn't put the handbrake back on and there was a very slight hill down toward the main road. I sprint across the street, scrambling to get my car keys outta my pocket but its too late, the car is moving too fast for me to get the keys into the lock (no central locking bibber gizmo on my old VW Polo). Worried that I am going to cause a massive crash i run out into the middle of the main road, just waving my arms like a goon to try and stop the traffic, i don't actually remember if there was much traffic but thankfully the Polo rolls quickly and safely across the road and luckily straight up the drive of another house. Phew.
But, when I say up, I mean up, and what goes up must come down, as it reaches the top of the drive, it starts going backwards again before I can get in and stop it, back down towards the main road, again. Still desperate to avoid a crash, I jump back into the road, repeat my lunatic waving dance routine to slow down the traffic and just have to stand in the middle of the road as I watch my driverless car reverse across the road and back up into my street, at which point, I just have to say fuck it and rather than try in vain again to unlock it and get in, I just wait for it stop, jump in front of the bonnet and hold it in place - a solution of sorts, although I did wonder how long i could hold it there for. Luckily its only a minute or so before a passing pedestrian asks if I need help. I ask him to hold the car for me while i finally manage to put the handbrake on and manage to catch my breath.
I was so flustered that I just drove off, I can't even remember saying thankyou to the good Samaritan who helped me, but the worst part after all that, as i drove off, i realised i had no idea if i had locked the front door of the flat, so I had to do a lap of the towns one way system to come back and check that I had in fact already locked the front door.
I go downstairs and get into my car which is parked across the street from my flat, facing onto the main road. Just as I get ready to pull off I look up to the flat and notice that one of the windows is wide open. This is the kind of thing, that will lead to another massive row with the Mrs if I leave it open when we are both out, so being the dutiful boyfriend and desperately wanting to avoid another pointless shouting match, I get out of the car, go upstairs, close the window, come back downstairs, and just as I am closing the front door, I look across the road to see my car creeping forward. I hadn't put the handbrake back on and there was a very slight hill down toward the main road. I sprint across the street, scrambling to get my car keys outta my pocket but its too late, the car is moving too fast for me to get the keys into the lock (no central locking bibber gizmo on my old VW Polo). Worried that I am going to cause a massive crash i run out into the middle of the main road, just waving my arms like a goon to try and stop the traffic, i don't actually remember if there was much traffic but thankfully the Polo rolls quickly and safely across the road and luckily straight up the drive of another house. Phew.
But, when I say up, I mean up, and what goes up must come down, as it reaches the top of the drive, it starts going backwards again before I can get in and stop it, back down towards the main road, again. Still desperate to avoid a crash, I jump back into the road, repeat my lunatic waving dance routine to slow down the traffic and just have to stand in the middle of the road as I watch my driverless car reverse across the road and back up into my street, at which point, I just have to say fuck it and rather than try in vain again to unlock it and get in, I just wait for it stop, jump in front of the bonnet and hold it in place - a solution of sorts, although I did wonder how long i could hold it there for. Luckily its only a minute or so before a passing pedestrian asks if I need help. I ask him to hold the car for me while i finally manage to put the handbrake on and manage to catch my breath.
I was so flustered that I just drove off, I can't even remember saying thankyou to the good Samaritan who helped me, but the worst part after all that, as i drove off, i realised i had no idea if i had locked the front door of the flat, so I had to do a lap of the towns one way system to come back and check that I had in fact already locked the front door.
west didsblue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 2 Oct 2011
- Messages
- 32,152
A mate of mine on a business trip after an evening on the beer got the bathroom door mixed up with the door to his room in the hotel whilst bollock naked and found himself locked out. Had to go down to reception holding a plant pot he found on a window ledge.
west didsblue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 2 Oct 2011
- Messages
- 32,152
She was playing snooker??Was at Mcr Airport a few years back and left Mrsery in the long check-in que while I nipped off to the toilet.
I came back and stood beside who I thought was her holding on to the luggage trolley and as I glanced around I saw Mrsery laughing her head off in the next cue!
Felt a right twat!!
MCFCTrick
Well-Known Member
When I was a kid in school I used to jump the fence in the corner of the playground. It was the old black iron fences with the blunt spikes on. This one day I jumped it but my schoolpants got caught on the spike and hooked me. It was right when every fucker had just finished and all the parents were there. I was just swinging left to right like a pig caught in a trap. Everyone walking past laughing. In the end one of the parents who lived over the road had to get some scissors to cut me down after a good 10 minutes of people trying to lift me off. I walked home in my ripped pants and my destroyed reputation. My mum didn't half crack me when I got home and she seen my pants haha
Our family home backs onto Brookdale Park, and has railings like that on two sides of the garden, but sharp not blunt spikes on top on one side. We used to climb over at the corner point, bit of a knack to it, but used it for years.
A new kid moved into the street, and the first time he climbed it, he messed up, slipped and was left dangling as you were, but he was impaled through his forearm, screaming in pain until emergency services arrived.
Onholiday(somemightsay)
Well-Known Member
Just one question in relation to the above - Are you Frank Spencer.........?Was living in a first floor flat with my Mrs. Our building was on the corner of a T junction with our quiet residential street facing onto Station Road, which was a relatively busy road in the Town we were living in. The Mrs and I had just had a big old row, can't remember what it was about, almost certainly something inane, she had gone out and I was heading out too.
I go downstairs and get into my car which is parked across the street from my flat, facing onto the main road. Just as I get ready to pull off I look up to the flat and notice that one of the windows is wide open. This is the kind of thing, that will lead to another massive row with the Mrs if I leave it open when we are both out, so being the dutiful boyfriend and desperately wanting to avoid another pointless shouting match, I get out of the car, go upstairs, close the window, come back downstairs, and just as I am closing the front door, I look across the road to see my car creeping forward. I hadn't put the handbrake back on and there was a very slight hill down toward the main road. I sprint across the street, scrambling to get my car keys outta my pocket but its too late, the car is moving too fast for me to get the keys into the lock (no central locking bibber gizmo on my old VW Polo). Worried that I am going to cause a massive crash i run out into the middle of the main road, just waving my arms like a goon to try and stop the traffic, i don't actually remember if there was much traffic but thankfully the Polo rolls quickly and safely across the road and luckily straight up the drive of another house. Phew.
But, when I say up, I mean up, and what goes up must come down, as it reaches the top of the drive, it starts going backwards again before I can get in and stop it, back down towards the main road, again. Still desperate to avoid a crash, I jump back into the road, repeat my lunatic waving dance routine to slow down the traffic and just have to stand in the middle of the road as I watch my driverless car reverse across the road and back up into my street, at which point, I just have to say fuck it and rather than try in vain again to unlock it and get in, I just wait for it stop, jump in front of the bonnet and hold it in place - a solution of sorts, although I did wonder how long i could hold it there for. Luckily its only a minute or so before a passing pedestrian asks if I need help. I ask him to hold the car for me while i finally manage to put the handbrake on and manage to catch my breath.
I was so flustered that I just drove off, I can't even remember saying thankyou to the good Samaritan who helped me, but the worst part after all that, as i drove off, i realised i had no idea if i had locked the front door of the flat, so I had to do a lap of the towns one way system to come back and check that I had in fact already locked the front door.
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
You do know there are ' specialist ' websites out there where you can unburden your soul. As opposed to a football forum for normal people.Me and my mates used to have a childish habit of sending each other photos of our shit and rating them. I'd been to Belfast and a girl at work was asking about it, so I gave her my phone to scroll through my photos and her face dropped - she landed on my shit encyclopedia.
Nebuchadnezzar
Well-Known Member
You do know there are ' specialist ' websites out there where you can unburden your soul. As opposed to a football forum for normal people.
There's no unburdening here - I'm quite at peace with it!
kaz7
Well-Known Member
Just the once ,it was mortifingErmmm ... did you think the host had left too .. or did you think your partner was the host ... do you often have sex on the floor in someone else’s house?? So many questions ...