Embarrassing moments in life

Thankfully, this DIDN'T happen, but I was half a second away.

30 years ago, I used to go for a lunchtime libation and a few games of pool, with an old work mate, every Friday.

One day, this GORGEOUS girl came over to my mate, and made a big fuss of him. Let's just say she was no stranger to the biscuit barrel. He introduced me to her, and I was just about to say "Congratulations. When's it due?", when she saw her best mate walking in, and she turned around.

When I asked my mate, it turns out she was just a tubster.
 
metalblue said:
We’ve all had them. Today I was caught short needing a shit in John Lewis. I hate using public toilets for a poo and would normally wait until the turtle was touching the undercrackers, but I knew I was going to be In town for a few hours. As most you hesthen cunts won’t know JL has unisex toilets so I head towards them...phew...no queue. In I go and do the business, gave it a courtesy flush once the worst was out. Before I’d even finished with the second wave someone was trying the door handle. All done I started to clean myself up and the loo roll in the holder, naturally, made a hell of a racket, no doubt they could hear it within a 10mile radius. And I needed several goes to get it cleaned, all the while people were trying the door.
Click to expand...
Did you clean the bowl with the brush after you dirty sod ?
 
Similar to OP. Caught taking a shit in the ladies toilets at work whilst on afternoon shift 12-8pm. Men's toilets r usually nasty, piss on the seats n all that. Women's was clean as. Took the risk, came out and building security grabbed me.
 
I've managed to take someone elses case off the luggage carousel at the airport and actually get as far as the hotel room before i noticed.
I'll never forget the look the rep gave me after he'd spent half the night trying to track it down. I still cringe now when I think about it.
 
At the doctors asked the receptionist if I could make an appointment with Dr M, bit of a stare from said receptionist before she said "Dr M doesn't work for the NHS anymore did no one tell you?"
Obviously not I said, can I make an appointment with Dr P then. All the receptionists went silent, so I said we'll nobody told me she's left the NHS as well
Aparently Dr P died a few days earlier
 
I was a cocky teenager back in the 70's but still got my mum to book me an eye test.
I turn up at the opticians say " hello its mr gordon for the 5 pm eye test"
The young lady looks in the book and cant fine the booking ! " are you sure mr gordon "?.
"Yes its Thursday 25th at 5pm"
She starts looking again but still cant find the booking.
After about 5 minutes of not being able to find the booking I was getting abit fed up. I was getting more cocky and being abit of a twat.
" look my appointment is the 25th at 5pm" being really twatish now I pull out the appointment card my mum gave. Throw it on the table and said " look see 25th at 5pm".
The young lady looked at it and said " mr gordon you are right your appointment is on the 25th at 5pm but with "shaws opticians next door "

I felt a right twat !!
 
Finding myself in swinton police station , minor offence and having the wartenberg pinwheel in my pocket that had been delivered that day , created quite a bit of interest when I explained what it’s used for
 
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