Embarrassing moments in life

Years ago I was shopping with the missus in town. She was taking ages in every shop and I was getting more and more restless

Eventually I’d had enough, wandered over to her, squeezed her arse and said “c’mon let’s get out of here”

she turned round and it was a complete stranger looking at me with a mixture of horror and disgust. I mumbled an apology, found the real missus and got out of there rapid

as I exited up the stairs I turned round to see this girl pointing me out to her rather big and hard looking boyfriend

the missus thought it was hilarious but everywhere we went after that they were there
 
paulchapo said:
Coming home from London on a Virgin train, I'm sitting in the quiet coach right at the front enjoying some wine. After a while I need the toilet. Anyone familiar with the layout of those trains knows there is a small toilet just outside the door of that carriage. It isn't busy so I pop out. There is a sticker on the door saying out of order so I walk down to the next toilet which is one of those huge ones with the automatic door. Nobody's outside and a result the light is green which means it's free. I press the button and the door starts to slide open......accompanied by frantic screeching. To my horror I am confronted by a rather large lady, knickers around ankles sat on the toilet trying in vain to somehow stop the door from opening. The problem is she can't as once the switch is operated it has to slide open fully, only then once it stops can you press it again to close it and that's not a quick process. I beat a hasty retreat shouting, " Lock the door, lock the door!!!" with her screams still echoing in my ears lol.
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When i was on the train up to manchester i had to go in one of those , i asked a woman if she would show me how it worked and stand outside in case the door opened , she did bless her
 
metalblue said:
. . . . . . . .I just prayed she had no sense of smell or memory as she was about to undergo an ordeal.

Come on blues, name and shame, what’s been your embarrassing moments?
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I've not left Littleborough for the last two days but I can still smell summat rather noxious and unsavoury. Thanks for clearing that up, m, in more ways than one!
 
paulchapo said:
Coming home from London on a Virgin train, I'm sitting in the quiet coach right at the front enjoying some wine. After a while I need the toilet. Anyone familiar with the layout of those trains knows there is a small toilet just outside the door of that carriage. It isn't busy so I pop out. There is a sticker on the door saying out of order so I walk down to the next toilet which is one of those huge ones with the automatic door. Nobody's outside and a result the light is green which means it's free. I press the button and the door starts to slide open......accompanied by frantic screeching. To my horror I am confronted by a rather large lady, knickers around ankles sat on the toilet trying in vain to somehow stop the door from opening. The problem is she can't as once the switch is operated it has to slide open fully, only then once it stops can you press it again to close it and that's not a quick process. I beat a hasty retreat shouting, " Lock the door, lock the door!!!" with her screams still echoing in my ears lol.
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For some reason, some people think that it closes automatically behind them and don't bother to close it after exiting, even when then corridor space is packed full of passengers. Rude cunts.

I spent about 5-10 mins waiting for someone to exit a toilet on a national Express coach once (there was a red dot on the door) so I didn't bother checking. Only to be told by another passenger that it was vacant.
 
metalblue said:
We’ve all had them. Today I was caught short needing a shit in John Lewis. I hate using public toilets for a poo and would normally wait until the turtle was touching the undercrackers, but I knew I was going to be In town for a few hours. As most you hesthen cunts won’t know JL has unisex toilets so I head towards them...phew...no queue. In I go and do the business, gave it a courtesy flush once the worst was out. Before I’d even finished with the second wave someone was trying the door handle. All done I started to clean myself up and the loo roll in the holder, naturally, made a hell of a racket, no doubt they could hear it within a 10mile radius. And I needed several goes to get it cleaned, all the while people were trying the door.

Finally washed my hands and prayed there was no queue as I was ready to leave...out I go and of course I walked to a huge queue, it was like the January fucking sales . I’d only been in there 5 minutes, 10 tops which is a PB for me. I could have died, next in line was some elderly lady and I didn’t have the heart to suggest she gave it 10. I just prayed she had no sense of smell or memory as she was about to undergo an ordeal.

Come on blues, name and shame, what’s been your embarrassing moments?
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Rag.
 
I was about 17 and after a drunken night out went back with my bird to her mum and dads.

She wanked me off on the couch and I did the customary Kleenex clean up and off we popped to bed.

We eventually rolled downstairs hungover to death the next afternoon.

Her parents had been up and about for hours mooching about downstairs but I'd heard them go out.

Went in the living room. Had forgotten to bin the moody Kleenexes, which were sat there on the floor by the couch covered in spunk.

Mortified.
 
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