LeftHook said:
....how do you cope?
Genuinely interested in hearing people's responses on this one. Quite a deep topic.
I've had the worst 12 hours of my life. I found out that my Mum and Dad are getting divorced - big deal. However, this afternoon, my Dad drove to the street he grew up in and tried to kill himself in the car. 10 years service in the Army and 20 years as a loyal Policeman, never a word of self-pity did I ever hear cross his lips. The most shocking thing is that my Mum is not bothered. There was no abuse between them and my Mum has joined a set of 'nouveau-riche Divorcees' as a friendship circle, whom have influenced her decision. One woman in particular has been particularly vocal about my Dad, describing him as 'boring' because he doesn't have six holidays a year. She's been divorced 3 times and is just a gold-digging bitch. No honour, no self-respect.
I also took a phone call off my Gran, whom I'm very close to, who's been suffering a chest infection. Or so she though. Advanced stages of cancer and has been told that she won't live to see Christmas.
Before all of this, I was taken into a room at work this morning and told to up my enthusiasm for my shit Recruitment Consultant job. I literally cold call from 9am - 6pm with zero guidance or little help. I'm only in the job because there is nothing else and I need the money whilst I get fit to join the Army or become a teacher.
Sorry to moan, but I wanted to paint a picture. I genuinely feel like I have a knife to my throat at the moment and want to respond positively but I don't know how, apart from be there for the people that need me. The reality is, I feel like a mixture of unrelented anger and sorrow.
Question is, how do you cope when shit hits the fan?
Okay, I've had a flash read and I'm going to say my first impressions...
Between your mother and father, it sounds like there has been a problem for a seriously long time. That's not to say that the problem has been something obvious to the eye when you've been living amongst it for as long as you've known. One becomes 'blind', in such cases, unless you are directly affected.
I would hazard a guess that your father, no matter how great he may be, is one to show a facet of love rather than emote it. So the by product of such things is a lack of communication or, as some would say, being "unable to talk about one's feelings". So, here's the hard and fast question that would make my post look stupid; how well do you know your father emotionally?
This, in itself, will give you the clue as to the relationship between him and your mother. The phrase "never a word of self pity", to me, is a furious red flag as it sounds like he's carried this notion from his work life into the home. Whilst it sounds manly and honourable, it is deeply old fashioned and repressive. Again, whilst it was easy to look at him with pride and say "Good old Dad" as you've grown up and become a man, it may have been more prudent to take him out, now and again for a coffee or beer, and patted him on his lap and ask "How you doing, Dad? I mean, really how are you doing?". But, it's not a fault that you haven't as we, as children, forget to ask our parents as a whole. We just assume.
I think your mother is just lashing out. Maybe she's feeling tired of the non communication, often which means a routine of life is lived. One knows where one's place is and in which order; wake up, breakfast, housework, cook tea, bed. I don't know, it's just an example and over simplified, but routine is routine and years of it can affect the mind. Perhaps she feels she's outgrown your father? Possibly she's looking for something she hasn't experienced being married for years. I can't see it as being personal, but merely spreading her wings and these new 'friends' have happened to be there at the 'right time' to paint her a new vision of life. Perhaps she's been repressed too and people just assume about her as well.
Your Gran? Well, my wife has similar problems with hers as you do. I have only said just to begin to accept the inevitable, privately, and try and to spend as much time as you can with her. This, in itself, will make you feel better rather than worry about something you have no control over.
And your job? Is just that. A job. Recruitment is a cold hearted S.O.B. and if it ain't you, it ain't you. Do something about that, accordingly.
Good luck, Blue, and I hope I've spent what was supposed to be short text, talking sh*t and I'm way way off base.
